winter wind blow

The winter wind blow damn heavy and freezing today. All around it was soul chilling solitude covered the atmosphere. The clock was tricking half after one hour. I’m feeling so much tired and double weary. You wonder, I’m not trying to plucking the guitar but torture my fingers with the stainless steel strings. The weightless, white shapeless smokes of cigarette were flying towards the ceiling to wake up my silent but ugly-erupting volcanic sense, the devil inside me starts roaring like a hungry lion behind the bar. An audiable voice of ozzy osbourne repeatedly come from my sound system who tirelessly live with me while my rat-infested skull juices stared me to write down this letter to you.

Words fail to describe, how I respect you and yr all courageous, blunt, emotions, yr being so kind hearted, yr beautiful high ambitious thought towards me. Really you are the very nice person whom yr friends, yr family will PROUD of you.

I know and you knew that I hurt you with my damn so called INTROVERT nature but I SWEAR I did not mean to hurt you or any living or non living molecule of this world. How would I suppose to HURT you huh…… am I look so happy with my being with introvert nature.

I beg a BIG APOLOGY for the way I show you and DARE to write second letter to you.

You WONDER I always want to speak to you, wanna having coffee with you, discuss some melodic, cheerful, sweet aromatic words with you, share beautiful good charming moments with you in this part of the earth, dispose the ugly rusty infested garbage dustbin and if GOD willing we keep spread fragrance all over this so called planet earth even in limbo, heaven or hell.

But alas………….this POOR dustbin of hate is very much nervous afraid while talking to GIRLS. Its so screwed up…….. actually am so scared. I don’t know why……….

May be I did not gotta experience that how to react or speak to girls. I really cant forgive thyself.

Actually I’m the guy who only see the other side of the broken bridge. You know what I mean!!!!!

HEY….still yr FRAGRANCE run over my mind. So I opened the odor again>>>yesterday the CCD guys gave me the “Patrick Suskind”with yr beautiful sweet aromatic letter. Its so wonderful and amazing moment when I hold it with my hand. A strange calm feelings capture my soul. My heart starts beating like a million horse power auto engine. I don’t know why but some unbearable happy hour touch me.

I repeated countless times till now. I inhales till my LUNGS well enoughly catch the smell, the fragrance.

I don’t know much about PERFUME, ODOR,AROMA,SCENT, you wonder I even don’t know how would I smell………???????????but I’m sure, the fragrance you gave me is the best of all fragrance till I have ever got or my nose inhale at this small span of life.

you are RIGHT, I have still so many things to EXPLORE,EVADE, YA still I’m learning to GROW upppp……..or I’m matured ENAOUGH…..????????????

I suppose to miss so many things, opportunities, memorable moments, love friendship etc. etc. but who cares………?????????

I feel sometime we have to miss all these things to follow universal theory of survival but we should never forgot them. You know its hard to remember all the HAPPY hours, nice times, but we never forgot the tears,the heartachjes,heartsick,heartend,heartless,heartfelt and heavy-hearted moments. Its all strike us damn badly.

Life is like a heavy moody winter rainfall bit by byte towards to DIE, everyday I feel the coldness. colorless street odor of death. Sometime it seems like a string less guitar or exactly looked like a tired SAMURAI who locked himself under an empty WAR ground with all the red dust nd smeel of half boiled broken skeletons.

Lately I have troubl;e being myself I seem to be heading nowhere land. I’m not good enough. May be this opinion has formed out self pity but I don’t seem to be as brilliant as the others. I feel I’m a LOSER. what ever talent I had cultivate during childhood seems to have died. I watch as my paint brushes in vivid colors seems dull and life less. The dust flies as I pick up the canvas and try to view with enthusiasm and vigor reflecting the dreams of a lifetime. It remind me of a faraway feelings destined to have never ending happiness just like the FAIRY TALES. I dwelled upon as a child. I don’t know if I should pick up my brushes and starts paint again……..BUT

I have no talent. I try to concentrate think about the subject but all I could paint were angry,wild,red blotches on the pure white virgin canvas……it remind me rat infested full os sewage following drained mind.

GRRRRRRRR….i’m damn sure you think that I’m a MAD or CRAZY dork. YA, CAROLINA if you thought than its OKIES…

Now you suppose to RUN away from me , am I RIGHT???????as you run away last time.

Hmmmmmmm sometimes, I want to fly away from this world to seeks soul solitude where I could paint my MONALISA, who always smile heart wide open. Actually I want to break……………I want to break free……life has become so monotonous affair that it seem I’m a mechanical being PROGRAMMED to performed certain task day after days. The assignments, the fucking up exams, the screwed up JOB>>>>(ofcoures this assuming I have not self programmed myself or else the result would have been more dangerous that any HUMAN can ever emazine??????????<<<<<)

SIGH): I neither expect anything nor remembered but some memorable long lasting goal whom I want to touch before dying. I’m not much ambitious or even whisper my soul. As I went on my JOURNEYING I always follow the “OPEN ROAD” you wonder roads are my companion. The ROADs are seems like me. They are long as you cant emazine and very lonely…..damn lonely. ROAD is far along visible they are my GOD. Roads go on forgotten like stars that shoots and gone while we forget but we are still looking for more long roads to journeying is not……??

You wonder how poor I may be …. I have lonelier than my OWN GOD. As they have gotta many traveler upon but whatever the road bring to me or take me atleast he keep company with his pattering. I love ROAD cos road is always around me who look after me , listen to me , my happy ugly tragedies, bright sense were enabled with him.

I felt you are so FAR away from me that no one gonna ever emazine but CAROLINA whenever I look into yr EYES I felt so strange so magical aromatic sacred feelings. I found you my very OWN. Its so automatic.

You know, you are a MIRACLE to me. It may be sound so FUNNY to you. Pliz don’t laugh over my sound funny feelings. I cross my heart and hope to die.

Hmmmmmmm… you scared of nice people. Now I ask you a RAPID FIRE question. In which side of this EARTH… am I looked that much nice huh….. for yr information>>>>>>I’m the great numb and as you know the dustbin of hate or diesel minded soul, the rascal of a dreamer and I’m the best ready made SCHIZE in the city I live in who always hurt his soul through the smoky skies of this alien city((I’m da guys full of troubles and hurts))))

SO……..Now you completely SCARED of me……Am I RIGHT((((hey pliz don’t run away from me >>>>>look I’m not a cannibal)))))

At last I congrats you and your DAYS, they must be FULL of happy hours, countless SMILES, love, friendship will touch over you. Which make a GOLDEN way to heaven.

SIGH): I beg another apology for torturing yr mind with this ugly scripted letter. Pliz try to decrypt if you found a damn mistakes. Cos who will understand me huh……..????

I trust you always wear am smile upon yr FACE . I drop a BIG to yr FRIEND and “ROHIT” .