confession

hmmmmm.....
thanks.... you wonder>>>>>
you have no idea how happy you made me today. i honestly cannot remember laughing so hard in such a long time. its kinda funny...because nobody's ever made me that happy before. like...happy to the point where i feel like i'm gonna throw up and melt in your arms all at the same time. its an incredible feeling. (sound funny nah!!!)

whenever i go through really bad dreams i just start thinking of all the good things, and all my perfect dreams, and happy stuff, and things that make me happy. it usually helps. and for the past year, you guyz are my safety. i can always think about ppl near me, and be reassured that there are better things in this world, reasons to put up with all the hardships and pain.
so thank you for making my bad dream impossible. i realized that if i ever do go through that, i'd leave this world happy because i met you guyz.you ppl r my perfect dream
i wish you could understand how much you ppl changed my life. you ppl are worth more to me than anything, and the thought of losing you already brings tears to my eyes. remember that one email i sent you a couple month ago. don't forget that. how negative and ugly eyeside i gotta have. i dont care if it's not practical...in my heart and soul, you ppl are the only person who ever cared about me as much as i cared about. There's never going to be anyone who can make me genuinely smile by just looking at me. There's never going to be anybody in this world like you guyz. You guyz're special...the world needs you. i need you.
i need you to look in the mirror and be proud of what you see. because i see somebody trying his hardest to make it in this world, and that's more than a billion other people can say. i see a person who tries even though it seems like the world is turning against him. i see a person who appreciates and understands why people make mistakes. i see a person who helps out in any way he can. i see you...and you're the only person in this world who deserves to be happy.
if only you could see yourself...\nyou know wat sometimes i feel this is just a place where i'll vent from time to time about human relationship, and how i feel sometimes. i thought this would be a good idea so you could have all my thoughts and letters to you in one place. chances are you\'ll already know exactly how i feel, but if you ever need to go back and remember things...just come here. if i ever start getting angry in my thoghts, just know it's for that moment, and i would never hold any resentment towards you. i know i say it too much, but believe it.
if only you could see yourself...
you know wat sometimes i feel this is just a place where i'll vent from time to time about human relationship, and how i feel sometimes. i thought this would be a good idea so you could have all my thoughts and letters to you in one place. chances are you'll already know exactly how i feel, but if you ever need to go back and remember things...just come here. if i ever start getting angry in my thoghts, just know it's for that moment, and i would never hold any resentment towards you. i know i say it too much, but believe it.
keep da spirit up my dear FRIEND.
i m damn sure u gotta drew a rainbow in da dark sky.
sorry for all da ugly thought i will drew over here.

Be patient..and watch.

Be patient..and watch.

I used to walk around like

Nothing could happen to me

Life is a gamble so I

Should live life more carefully

But all I know is that I

Control my own destiny

I used to look at others

Instead of me blaming me

i used to think that maybe I was being too much, that I had too many demands, that I was this and that... But after a while, I realised that I blamed myself too many times for too many things that weren't my fault.

Don't ask yourself why

Just look to the sky

Believe that soon you'll see the other side

I see the other side and I know there's more waiting for me, I feel it and I want to run to it with open arms. But the pain I feel, the kind of pain that you can only imagine holds me back just a little and forces me to take baby steps..

I know

That through all the struggle

There's a bright road At the end of the tunnel

Now you should know

Whatever your dilemma may be

You'll learnLife is worth it

No one has ever hurt me this bad before. No one. And you didn't even have to cheat on me. As much as I realise now that life is worth it and there's so much to live for, it makes me so far beyond sad that I cannot look back and think to myself that yes, it was a good ride, it was great and we had wonderful times and I loved every second of it. Because I only loved it all when I believed it was worth it. When I truly thought you were worth it. I would have never come into this if I had known it would end this way. Never. Because as much as I loved you, it's just not worth all this.
Watch the tables turn

They will turn one day I suppose... And when that day comes, I hope I'm in a place where I just won't feel the need to care.

Whenever you feel troubled

With problems coming your way

Don't ever get discouraged

There's always a better day

And I see it... I really do see that better day.

We all don't know the answers

Believe and trust when I say

That havin' faith is always

The way to make things okayThat's right

Alright

I think I'll just lay down to rest for a while... for a long while.

You've had your ups and downs but

It happened for a reason

Cause after April showers

There will come a change of season

So please don't give up now cuz

The sun's shinin' through the clouds

It's gonna be alright

I know

It will be won't it? I will get out of this and be a much better and much stronger person won't I? There will come a time when I just won't care anymore, whether or not you regret it, whether or not you become a better person, I just won't care... Because I'll be okay..... right?

Watch the tables turn

I'll wait...and I'll watch.

insecurities

while in love i think she's mine but she was loved by many.

MISERY

these intlerable days of solitude and misery...

i can no longer put my despair and unhappiness into words.......My heart broke when i realized there was nothing left to hope for.It is so awful dat my mind is quite glazed and pertified.

i wonder above as though i were in a trance....i wonder quite dispassionnately wat i shall do when i realize quite,quite irrevocably------bcoz i m only begining to realize---that it is finished.

SUNDAY MORNING

it was a lovely day.i wonder wat u will do.You're so far away from me.as its sunday,someone will get the OFF,and will naturally spend it with you.
you prabably wont think abt me today,bcoz you wont have time and you wont be alone.

sometimes you horrify me.

I M ME

I M ME
>>>>Karan Afonso<<

if only you'd believe
dat i am me today
no monster,no painful reminder
just me ---in my own way.

i am not wat u have made me
or wat i was born to be
the blood dat flows these veins
is judt a part of me.

i haven't hurt u,hated u
so why do you always condemn me?
why am i despised?

could you not learn to love me
like u do da rest
i m here and i m forgive u
if you forgive my uglyness

it hurt to see u hate
and sometimes i cry days
but the minutes u show me kindness
i m yrs in many ways

i m lost when u are angry
the harsh words dat u say
they crush and make me awkward
shy to be wat i may

if u would only knows me
see who i m inside
maybe you'd learn to love
the person whos learnt to love

stop looking through me
i m not wat u see
i m not of yr making
i m wat i've made of me

FEW NOTES

FEW NOTES and SUBLTES STRAINS,I AM STILL TUNING AND I FEEL
happy distraction,
tantalizes and tempts,
to hurt immeasurably,
leaves in it's wake,
a broken heart,
a bloodied rose

DELHI n me

ROCK TILL I DIE
*Torquoise cottage
*cafe morrison
*mezz
*hamsdwani open stage theatre
*british council
*habitat centre
JAZZ NITE
*haze
*cafe turtle
*mocha
PARTY TONITE
*Buddha Lounge
*Oddssey da deck
*geoffreys
*ego thai
*ego cafe
*delhi devil
*pegs n pints
*peeble streets
*chinese n thai cafe
*de pauls
COFFEE TABLE
*Barista creme
*CCD
*united coffee
TEA TIME
*Passion my cup of tea
*cha bar
BIRTHDAY CAKE
*angel in my kitchen

DELHI n ME ...muse..

Strange blank stares
maniac glares
averted eyes
unturned noses
paranoic vision
envy star
poisonous polluted smoke
da hazy environtment
blazing heat
boiling temp.
sweaty crowded street
perfumed sweaty smells
beware of dogs community
Yaha pesab karna mana hain board
beauty shop
message cntre
slaughter home
multiseater cycle rikshow
overpriced CNG auto
sweaty time consumming Blueline
over crowded DTC buse
rude ill tempared useless argument
red light
green light
yellow light
useless traffic point
corrupted cops
love n lust
smile n cry
hope n desire
hitchhikers
kidnapers
murderer
run lola ran life
machanical pre programmed mind
search and explore
right click and refrash
ctrl+alt+delete key
holding patience
increasing hollownes
binding space
tall gothic cave
spiral spiky liquid hate
twisty knotted fate
street side flurist
50 paise drinking h2o
compromising romeo juliet
begging hand
traffic book seller
burgaining footpath
open hungry snare
over speeding SUV
burning gasoline
mulnourished children
sigh of a smile
despairing red hopeless eye
bunkers of dead innocent dream
broken promises wid swalen lips
indifference thorght
ego game
misplaced trust
costly loyality
curvy bust n hip
all dat fake orgasms n fashion climax
fashion week
skiny model
streets ramp
white truth
page3 n paris hilton strip
photogenic smile
hugging n pating
explanation
recrimination
distitution
cornation
happy exile
nowhere land
new found island
lost soul
self confess lonely maron
happy ringtone
open confession
cell war
art n craft
canvass of nudity
sex gossip
fake smile
vulture
culture
decent rapist
silent protest
blowing candle
honest truth
blooming life
roofless
waterles
plasterd file
closed epitap
sleeping giant
underdogs
numb stubborn soul
streets dog
holy cow
future teller
palmist
astro guru
match maker
hawan pundit
aromatic stick
junk dealer
religious fraud
wishin well
etc. TO BE CONTINU...

LIFE,FRIENDS and DELHI

sweet day dreams
da whole lots of awkward plans
rainydays wid wrinkled faces
da great jammin seasons wid joints
da vodka,condoms,masturbations,toiletda bed,dinning tables
da shared non-veg text and da porno optical disc
silent prayers on paper
da creed of nameless religion
happy hours,unwanted tears
telling unsucessful love stories after boozing up
da spoken love affairs,da street juliets
winter chilled breez wid ilaichi chai
the pink floyd wid shared ear plug
gay talk,lasbian fantasies
da black grounge death gothic alt,nu punk covers
guitar tabs,chords and broken strings,mush vox
bleedin fingers da addiction to non stop metal numbers,MTV,channelV,VH1 and da midnight FTV shows
da power and courage we owe
ugly debates wid compromises
sweet advices,dirty meg wid shamless nudity
its all stoods guard over us I LOVE U GUYZ....THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE FOR ME WHENEVER I NEEDS YR HELP