YOUR NAME

YOUR NAME
*****************************
*******winter,BARISTA CAFE...CP...new delhi.....india.....asia*******

I wrote yr name
with raindrops in my window glass
spring wind took it away

i wrote yr name
on the sand of siang river
river water came out and took it away

i wrote your name
on rock with my wet finger
sun heat took it away

i wrote yr name
with fallen leaves of tree
winter wind took it away

i wrote yr name
within my heart but
someone came and took it away
***************************************

life is a game....

you watch a movie, YOu knoe it is not real, yet u cry, u laugh, you jump and shout. when the projector stops, all you have is a blank screen.

so is yr life. it is real when u experience it, it is very real when u get hurt. when u bleed and u r in pain. it is very real when eat yr favourite sweet and u enjoy the taste..............life is all abt how u play the game......

Pleasant Bullet
>>Poison the Well <<

I've woken up everyday with my eyebrows pointing at my mouth.

Making all who care for me go through all my worst times with me.

And I give them no choice...all my worst times with me.

I need to be unhappy to smile, but I haven't quite got the hang of it

yet.

I need to figure out why this room has blinds that never open.

It's so hard to be these days.

I wasted all my time trying to rememberthe word content was.

There isn't much to open eyes for.

I want to be excited just haven't been educated yet.

Wonder how long it will take before they leave me behind.

Questions in and questions out, they always ask me.

It's so hard to be these days.

I wasted all my time trying to rememberthe word content was.

I just want to be happy.

Plastic Man

Plastic Man
>seether<

I am a plastic man, Wish i can be the one you could be proud of.
Im losin heart again, wish i could show you what you think i'm made of.
Someday i know i'll find my place, someday i know this pain will fade.

I am a perfect sale, just wrap me up with ur a bow and flowers.
I will neglect to tell, i'll sell your story that we love each other.
Someday i know i'll find my place, someday i know this pain will fade.
Someday i know i'll find my place, someday i know i'll sing my last
rephrase.

Why don't let me be, and i'll pretend i'm well.
Cuz ur blind to see, and i'm too tired to tell.
And in ur apathy, u head begins to swell.
Another tradegy, but ur too cold to feel.

Someday i know i'll find my place, someday i know this pain will fade.
Someday i know i'll find my place, someday i'll sing my last
rephrase...

DROPS OF NECTAR

A small impoverished BOY was standing bare feet on the New YORK City streets, looking wistfully at the window of a shoe store. A well dressed woman saw him and walked him and ask him"why are you looking so solemnly at this window?" the smalll boy looked ap at her and replied. "i am asking GOD to give me a pair of shoes". The woman took the boys hand and led him into the shoe store. where she immediately asked the clerk for a bucket of warm water and a pairs of socks. then placing the boys dirty feet into the water, she tenderly washed them and then put a pair of warm socks on him. then she told the clarck to bring shoes for the boy. as they left the store with the boys small feet now snugly in a pair of new shoes, he clenched the womans hand and looked up into her eyes,"ARE YOU GODS WIFE.?he asked.

HUMAN relationship muse.......

PEOPLE talk when u matter to them. when u r at the top, theres always ENVY and there are WEIRD stories circulating around. Its sickenin. Its only a certain section who is talkin. they are the dissatisfied and frustrated lot and they cant see others doing well. If tomorrow they r in my shoes. they'd still be complaining.

and i know that not everyone will be happy for me . but at the end of the day what matters is HAPPINESS. If u r WRONG somewhere yr CONFIDENCE level is shaken and u r COUGHT.

Music and womEn

There are only two completely divine things in this world: MUSIC and WOMEN!.....i assure you that there is nothing on EARTH more beautiful than a beautiful women. personally its fills me with such awe and reverence that shakes so much. i can not attempt to draw. i feel it would be a sacrilege. i used to feel i must faint. my head used to swim and i could scarsely walk....I WOULD GO A HUNDRED MILES TO SEE ONE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN OR MUSIC.

zephyretta

http://www.lintukoto.net/viihde/mielenosoitus/kuva.php?teksti=WE%20LOVE%20YOU%20ZEPHYR

You might be best friends one year,

You might be best friends one year,

pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next year,

So, I just wanted to say,

even if I never talk to you again in my life,

you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,

I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.

Send this to all your friends

no matter how often you talk

or how close you are

and send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,

and tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everone needs a friend,

someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all

just remember this text

and take comfort in knowing

LIFE IS A STATE OF MIND

_____(¯`·._.·LIFE IS A STATE OF MIND·._.·´¯)____


AcCoRdInG to tHe BiBLE , HeAvEn iS CoMpLeTeLy PeRfEcT aNd HeLL is CoMpLeTeLy EvIL. In HeAvEn , In OrDeR To kEEp EvErYtHiNg CoMpLeTeLy PeRfEcT , EvErYoNe In It wOuLd HaVe to foLLoW a LoNg , SpEcIfIc sEt oF rULEs FoR It to bE PeRfEcT. HeAvEn is PrIsOn. In HeLL , EvErYoNe is AlReAdY EvIL ThErE , So no RuLeS nEEd to Be SeT to MaKe It CoMpLeTeLy EvIl.

H E L L
I S
F R E E D O M

W E L C O M E
T O M Y
H E L L

Do NoT FeAr YoUr EnEmIes. The wOrSt tHeY CaN dO iS kiLL YoU. Do NoT FeAr FrIeNdS. At WoRsT, ThEy MaY BeTrAy YoU. FeAr ThOsE wHo do NoT CaRe; ThEy NeItHeR kiLL nOr BeTrAy, bUt BeTrAyAL aNd MuRdEr ExIsTs BeCaUsE oF ThEir siLeNt CoNsEnT.

EdUcAtIoN is ThE ProCeSs of DrIvIng a sEt of pRejUdiCes dOwN YoUr tHrOaT.

YoU'Re oBLIgEd tO PrEtEnD aNd ReSpEcT PeOpLe aNd iNsTiTuiTioNs yOu tHinK AbSuRb. YoU LiVe AttaChEd In a CoWaRdLy FaShIoN to MoRaL aNd SoCiAL CoNvEnTiOnS YoU DeSpIsE, CoNdeMn and kNoW LAcK All FoUnDaTiOn. It Is ThAt PeRmAnEnT CoNtRaDiCtIoN BeTwEEn YoUr IdEas AnD DeSiReS AnD All ThE DeAd FoRmAlItIes and VaIn PrEtEnSeS Of YoUr CiViLiZaTioN tHat MaKe YoU SaD, TrOuBLEd and UnBaLaNcEd.
In THaT InToLerabLe confLIcT you Lose aLL joy of LIfe and aLL feLLIng of pErSoNaLITy, BeCuAse aT eVeRy MoMenT They SuPreSS and resTaIn and ChEck The free pLay of yOuR powers. ThaT's The poIsoned and morTaL wOuNd of The cIvILIzed worLd

ThE aIm Of ThOsE WhO TrY To CoNtRoL ThOuGhT Is AlWaYs ThE SaMe. ThEy FiNd OnE SiNgLe ExPlAnAtIoN oF ThE WoRlD, oNe SyStEm of ThougHt aNd AcTiOn tHaT WiLL (they believe) CoVeR EvErYtHiNg; aNd tHeN tHeY TrY To ImPoSe ThAt on aLL ThInKiNg PeOpLe.

If GOD doesn't like the Way I live, Let him tell me, N O T Y O U

ThE MiNd iS iT'S oWn pLaCe, aNd oF ItSeLf cAn MakE a HeAvEn oF HeLL, aNd a heLL of hEaVeN.

____(¯`·._.·LIFE IS A STATE OF MIND·._.·´¯)___

MY POEMS

*********************************************
Song of a prostitute
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>
On my darlings lap
I never took nap
Never had any sleepless night after his reminiscence
Empty sky above
My siblings love
Never created havoc in my heart like stars in the far, far distance

My eyes well up
I too have heart
And dream of a family wedding gown
Prince charming in my eyes
Candle light dinner in dreamy light
And the sunlight kills all the stars

Admiring eyes
A red rose on valentines
My heart too would cherish for centuries
Sigh reverberates
Around the walls
I am chased in my sleeps too by lusty eyes

In my garden
Roses don’t bloom
Empty glance I look at the road
Somebody would see my plastic face
And I would go to sleep
Over my dreams, hopes, pains
To recharge for the next day.
*************************************

*********************************************
LOVE NEEDS LOVE
*********************************************

Its is love nothing less, nothing more
He wrote divine comedy
He died after sacrificing his life
All for love

Try holding on yr heart
Heart is so light
Who could hold it before?
Script of love, moonlight sky
Flashing like lightning, glowing heart
She would come stressing her tress
Her bonny figure would warp me up like a snake
With love from horizon to horizon
Oblivion could not sink it
What is time?
Havoc in the ocean
Day by day die
Harsh rock would witness
How red is my blood

If tomorrow comes
The sun will rise to the music of the ballad
Synchronizing with every heart beat
All animals would gaze at the sun
And tomorrow comes
Even if I die today

Darling, after my death, give me a rose
When in deep distress
I would come to soothe you
Since we both knew
Love needs love
*********************************

*********************************************
HEART LONGINGS
*********************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<15th>>>>>>>
In the night I look at the moon
I love you like no other can love, moon
No, I never long possess you
I love the way I long for the horizon

The sleeping beauty beside me, I know
Is the mother of my child
In resonant with my heartbeat I know
Heart takes deep sigh without you
Because, you are the moon in my sky

Sunset of the dreamy night
Who know whose tears falls with rainfall
By the sound of rain, my sleep is broken
Looking at the blue sky, I feel my heart raining
Cats and dogs

Brighter than gold, mirage in my eyes
Yr face in my dreams
In the thirst of yr glance
Remembering you, I find
The sun was very red
When it set yesterday

Oil deceased, flame burnt out
Strong time washed the footprint ashore
And my heart still longs
Like a baby for the moon in the sky
May be you appear in my arms
****************************************
*********************************************
PIT OF LOVE
*********************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<13th>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lightning in the sky

Black as soot, my heart
Who will light up--- let the lightning
Ignite the fire

Dark as night my heart
I would rain surely
Let the rain wash my dreams
In the sand of time who need footprint
Let the rain extinguish the fire

Ashes remain, my heart
After the bonfire
Promises, trust all lost in smoke
Ruins of momento stands a silent witness
A deserted opera

Tears well up, my heart
She wore a white frock like an angel
Soft like moonlight, she caressed to sooth
I was ill
Gone are the days of shinning stars
Reminiscence ashes and shakes
Empty heart, sense of vacuam, still like grave
Skeletons of dreams haze vision, her smile in the wall
Still I write in red my love

Petals of flowers
And lovely dreams
May decay
Flowers fragrance
And sweet arrogance
May be lost the way
Yet it was flower
I made mistake never
Time would always say.
*************************************************

*********************************************
NOTHING LIKE LOVE
*********************************************<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>
The sky of the night glows like gold
Daisies afar bloom in yr garden
Smiles down pour
Colorful dreams on the wall
When you fall in love

Humming birds chirp far, far away
Echo in yr heart, smell the air
Yr beloved one’s fragrance
A flock of war horses running across the field
Trails behind thousand of petals of roses
Nightingale sings across the horizon
When you fall in love

I could not buy with all the blue diamonds
Even for a day, for a moment
Her smile, her loving gaze
Sticking to the assault carbine, I saw in horror
She opened up her breast
Not for a kiss but for a bullet
The writing on the wall loud and clear
There is nothing like love

Street dogs too live like a king
Damn the life that can not win a smile
Damn the life that can not love
After the war I retreat
For love or what else
****************************************************

*********************************************
WHEN THE RED ROSE IS eloquent
********************************************
>>>>>>>>>>>>>NEW DELHI, pebble streets<<<<<<<<<
The rose, a red rose
Lively like life, lovelier than love
She speak like a violin
Rainbow spreads in the sky like starry starry carpet
When she took the rose, my heart

These sculpture wake up from dreams
She smiles
Many days passed
I still see the full moon, dreamy, dreamy dreams
When she smiled in her eyes, my love

Darling, you make me stare at the rose
I smell the love in the silence
Winds come to a stop, the way she walks eloquent like silence
The rose says
If tomorrow comes then I love you
Like the dark night and the snake

Oh girl, you make me cry
You make me surly die
Had not there been roses scattered still on the alter
My heart, my soul
The red rose speaks; the color of pain is blue.
*************************************************

*********************************************
PAIN IN THE AIR
*********************************************
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>BARISTA, GKII, NEW DELHI<<<<<<<
On yr wedding night

I was loitering in the shore
Collecting barnacles
Under the vast blue sky
Lightning of rays and sitting in front of alter of marriage
You forgot, you were my known girl

On yr wedding night

Yr garden bloomed
Blessing of thousand people
Suppressed the sigh, I sent back yr ring
Like shivering life of a caged bird
Yr eyes in the memory pin
Like unshaved beard in the heart

On yr wedding night

Reddish eastern sky
Would kiss yr soft face through window
A new day would dawn
Shall wait for reddish in the west in my life
Who knows where the road meets the end

On yr wedding night

I too got wed
And I still look at the horizon
Still ask the statue in eternal melancholy

Will you smile at me?
***********************************

*********************************************
EPITAPH OF LOVE
*********************************************
>>>>>>>>>>>>>summer 2005, New Delhi>>>>>>>
Memory of a moment with you
Immortal in my heart
Soothes my bleeding heart in place
Where I inhale the moment with you
With every breath till morning

Like lava it boils
Like a man possessed I remember you
Hazy vision ahead, still I live
May be for a oasis in desert
And fade as yellow leaves in winter

Walking up in midnight
Stars hide behind clouds
A little ray of hope across the clouds
Down pour of tears might clear the sky
Otherwise years passed since I saw the sun.

A moment with you has killed
Thousand years so far
Getting buried like fossil
Epitaph of love would be lost though
Some day we would sing attuned
Song of life
**********************************

*********************************************
MELLOWED DREAM
*********************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
He painted me red
And I stood like statue for him naked on the chilled night
Cloudy tress over my breast with pointed nipples
And he hanged me on the wall

Thousand spectators admiring eyes
Eyelashes over my naked thighs feather like softness
Thrilling to the basic instinct, those starved mankind
Distorting the sensuality of a virgin

Whole the night, under the romantic lights
I dance to the tone of their lust
Under the dais, my man is buried with our children
And my dreams blink with drops of tears

Trespassing my tummy, food get digested
Biology kills appetite
With the sun in the west
A day in the time killed
The guiding star witnesses alone in peace

Skeletons in the grave
Accuse none for the rain after the storm
And the cracking of bones when walking
Across the dream land
Treading faces of love and despair
And I burn to a bin
*********************************************

*********************************************
RAYS OF LOVE
*********************************************
>>>>>>>>>>>>>CCD, NFC New Delhi<<<<<<<<<<<
Like a river, love flows over terrain of heart
Water falls
Still lakes it kisses
It glows like street lights
In the dark scary night
And tear apart fear like an old mansion of centuries

Like breaking of a lock
Never is the same breaking a heart full of love
Ashes……
You reincarnate after the crash
Horizontally, where sun is the only direction

In the midnight, in the moonlight
We shall look for each other under the shadow of clouds
From horizon to horizon
Just for a passion for living, lust for love
Where we wake up each day with smile of love

In our sky
Stars do smile like a shinning star
In shame in day they hide
And love
Appear as full moon night
With all the stars
When love pours down over our heart, soul
And the rivers flowing for centuries

After the earth quake
I wake up trembling with the earth
Dreams are torn like the fall of sky crapper
My girl, shall I see you again
Shall I fall asleep again to see
Rainbow
And rays of love

#for the loving memory of miss colleen whom I met in a night of Delhi, India. She told me she would call me and I gave her my mobile number.
Still she has not called me yet she does not have a number…..#
*******************************************************************************************

*********************************************
OF LOVE, PAIN, LONELINESS
*********************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>
If the pain got suppressed
When intended
Was it pain?
If the love faded
When yr love betrayed
It never was love

Don’t tell me you call it solitude
When yr loneliness crowds in gossips
You still live in crowd

She told me and I believed her
Why to sip after all, if no boozing
Sometimes I wonder
If false just to oppose the truth?

And I know once I quitted
And started again
I never quitted, did I

Ground is not hurt
When you fall on it
So many stars in the sky

I cry alone
Where have all the stars gone
From my sky
*************************************





*********************************************
VIBGYOR
*********************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
Girl if I cry
Will the rainbow in the sky
Remain for a day long?
If I cry
Will the paper tiger waken up and roar?

Sometimes rainbow are in tears
Pains flow likes lake
Nobody knows
How deep the lake is?


After the stormy night
How green in the valley
Is it also a lining?
Dying everyday

I keep in order my empty bottles
Who knows?
Tears may fill them
You too know like the sun
Tears to produce rainbow

Cloths were stained
The path covered in grass
For a lone time I did not hit foot
Many years gone not seen a rainbow
Still night I wake up and wonder
Where have all the tears gone?

Lets hold tears
And make a rainbow
For you, for me, for all
VIBGYOR
They are the color

*********************************************
*********************************************
THE PROSTITUTE*******************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<
She did not write the script of love
Nor she felt the orgasm
She just sprouted his semen in her belly
Dark thunderous nights signature of torture
Over her body
And a bastard was born

Sweet language of a mother
She never heard but the sound of cracking the old bed
And sound of two beast playing barbarous
Game in the nude and also sigh..
And the fury under tears of appetite
For centuries without eruptions

Like lava, bodily need bail up
The pain of neglect, hatred and the spit
The hypocrite society they pour on her
Mankind inside the thick condom buried deep inside her
In deep pain she cries out
All dead, the sacrosanct brother gone
Up in the smoke
The savage appetite and animal instinct prevails
Over a pieces of bread and helpless body
Ruinous, shattered bruised dignity of the half of the sky
They sold the cherry in the market
In the alter of civilization scarifies the virgin
The sun witness in silence
The assuage their appetite assuaging the appetite
And the account is closed
**********************************************

my guitar is my life.UNIVOX SUPER FUZZ+HARMONIX BIG MUFF PI DISTORTION +my amp

my dream machine

theres a HEART

wat ever happened to predictibility??
the milkman,the paperboy,evening TV.
everywhere you look,everywhere you go(theres a HEART)
there's a HEART
a hand to hold onto.
everywhere you look,everywhere you go.
there's a face
of somebody who needs you
everywhere you look
when you're lost out there and you're all alone
a light is waiting to carry you home,
everywhere you look
everywhere you look

nose is block

im soo damn tired man.
feeling soo cold
mah back is aching
eyes are so painful.
nose is block

kept sneezing and sneezing
nose was blocking like hell man.
mah throat is feeling so damn painful now.

Welcome to my life

its damn cold out here,pliz do come over me pliz.i know,i hurt u so much.
SIGH
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

i just love poems

....whatever it is....one thing for sure is that everyone should cherish and value friendship....if everyone practice that, i bet there'll be no war anymore.....=)
~got this from a site as well.....i just love poems....i dunno y.....

A friend is a shoulder to cry on,
A person that you can rely on,
A smile that shines through the storms,
A heart which is always warm.
A friend will never betray you,
A friend helps to see you through,
Through out the passing years,
Friends are there to catch your tears.
A friend always stands by,
With a friend,you can laugh or cry,
A friend is there to share and care,
And pull you out of your despair.
A friend can help in many ways,
A friend brightens up your darkest days,
Solidarity,security,a hug or a smile,
A friend can make it all worth while.
A friend accepts you for what you are,
A friend is like a shooting star,
A special person with love to lend,
Neer ending loyalty,that's a FRIEND!!

pliz come over barista

i hardly slept last night,i thought of YOU.(((sorry huh))) i'm alternately miserable heartbroken cynical disillusioned,apathtic,resentful then miserable again despairing listless then my inexorable temperament reasserts itself!!! all the rest is temporarily swept aside.

today i cant write,????????? I JUST sit staring dully out all over CCD tables<<<<<((((this is my fourth day)))))))))

i'm in absolute despair,YOU dont seem to have grasped anything either you have never got mails or you deliberatly choose to IGNORE them>>>>>which it it???????????

across my life only one word will be written<<<WASTE love WASTE of talentwat could be worse or more despairing.

i'm no nearer any sort of resolution. i try in vain to drive this tyrannous all absorbing LOVE from my heart.but it returns undaounted,imperishable,to rage and strom through me like the mind through a roofless house.

pliz come over barista.i'm missing you.

YR EYES WERE SO BEAUTIFUL

Hmmm... I'm feeling kinda tired. I really ought to go to bed...
its so shocking news to me that you reply me from <<<<>>
THANKS for reply my mail.

still the winter wind follow me damn badly.I wise if u were here????????????
YR EYES WERE SO BEAUTIFUL I miss yr eyes damn badly?????>>>>>>>


I'm in a transitional phase of my new life, and I have no idea where the celebrated milestone is. I just feel like I'm changing. I don't know into what.. but I am..

I'm afraid of what I am becoming.

no mood for writing<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

where are u guyz???????

outside da ULTRA VIOLET rays were hot enough to to boil me up and da slaleton closet to my body,DA sun rise and goes down to the final frontier every single days and left me burnt and broken.YOU wonder,i was roaming like mad holy cow around the rat infested sewage following uptown and downtown parts of the city called as DELHI.the coffe shop,the book store and da shopping mall stood guards over my self immolated terrors.By drop by drops,night by nights,bit by bytes i was changeling myself. marely i cried into an emptiness through the smoky skies oh da alien city. i hurt my soul as it hurtled through sewage following drain.



where are u guyz???????
its been a so long i didnt seen u over here.
this guyz visit all da CCD and BARISTA cafe over delhi but i didnt locate you guyz????????
the glass windows over caffee shop,the lonely tables were stared me like a alien animals>>>a complete STRANGER. the coffe cup lost there aroma, the books lost there meaning and my eyes were blind enough to stare my stubborn soul.

you suppose to run away from me. i know and u knew >>>you have had a very better reason to hide yrself but if i wish>>>>>>>>>>atleast not like this??????

i may be scared you MUCH but i didnt mean anything DEMONIC dat could be hurt u and any living or nonliving objects of this planet.

every day i waited in the suffocating emptiness of impatience. i allow myself to dissolve all the moments over my soul..

winter wind blow

The winter wind blow damn heavy and freezing today. All around it was soul chilling solitude covered the atmosphere. The clock was tricking half after one hour. I’m feeling so much tired and double weary. You wonder, I’m not trying to plucking the guitar but torture my fingers with the stainless steel strings. The weightless, white shapeless smokes of cigarette were flying towards the ceiling to wake up my silent but ugly-erupting volcanic sense, the devil inside me starts roaring like a hungry lion behind the bar. An audiable voice of ozzy osbourne repeatedly come from my sound system who tirelessly live with me while my rat-infested skull juices stared me to write down this letter to you.

Words fail to describe, how I respect you and yr all courageous, blunt, emotions, yr being so kind hearted, yr beautiful high ambitious thought towards me. Really you are the very nice person whom yr friends, yr family will PROUD of you.

I know and you knew that I hurt you with my damn so called INTROVERT nature but I SWEAR I did not mean to hurt you or any living or non living molecule of this world. How would I suppose to HURT you huh…… am I look so happy with my being with introvert nature.

I beg a BIG APOLOGY for the way I show you and DARE to write second letter to you.

You WONDER I always want to speak to you, wanna having coffee with you, discuss some melodic, cheerful, sweet aromatic words with you, share beautiful good charming moments with you in this part of the earth, dispose the ugly rusty infested garbage dustbin and if GOD willing we keep spread fragrance all over this so called planet earth even in limbo, heaven or hell.

But alas………….this POOR dustbin of hate is very much nervous afraid while talking to GIRLS. Its so screwed up…….. actually am so scared. I don’t know why……….

May be I did not gotta experience that how to react or speak to girls. I really cant forgive thyself.

Actually I’m the guy who only see the other side of the broken bridge. You know what I mean!!!!!

HEY….still yr FRAGRANCE run over my mind. So I opened the odor again>>>yesterday the CCD guys gave me the “Patrick Suskind”with yr beautiful sweet aromatic letter. Its so wonderful and amazing moment when I hold it with my hand. A strange calm feelings capture my soul. My heart starts beating like a million horse power auto engine. I don’t know why but some unbearable happy hour touch me.

I repeated countless times till now. I inhales till my LUNGS well enoughly catch the smell, the fragrance.

I don’t know much about PERFUME, ODOR,AROMA,SCENT, you wonder I even don’t know how would I smell………???????????but I’m sure, the fragrance you gave me is the best of all fragrance till I have ever got or my nose inhale at this small span of life.

you are RIGHT, I have still so many things to EXPLORE,EVADE, YA still I’m learning to GROW upppp……..or I’m matured ENAOUGH…..????????????

I suppose to miss so many things, opportunities, memorable moments, love friendship etc. etc. but who cares………?????????

I feel sometime we have to miss all these things to follow universal theory of survival but we should never forgot them. You know its hard to remember all the HAPPY hours, nice times, but we never forgot the tears,the heartachjes,heartsick,heartend,heartless,heartfelt and heavy-hearted moments. Its all strike us damn badly.

Life is like a heavy moody winter rainfall bit by byte towards to DIE, everyday I feel the coldness. colorless street odor of death. Sometime it seems like a string less guitar or exactly looked like a tired SAMURAI who locked himself under an empty WAR ground with all the red dust nd smeel of half boiled broken skeletons.

Lately I have troubl;e being myself I seem to be heading nowhere land. I’m not good enough. May be this opinion has formed out self pity but I don’t seem to be as brilliant as the others. I feel I’m a LOSER. what ever talent I had cultivate during childhood seems to have died. I watch as my paint brushes in vivid colors seems dull and life less. The dust flies as I pick up the canvas and try to view with enthusiasm and vigor reflecting the dreams of a lifetime. It remind me of a faraway feelings destined to have never ending happiness just like the FAIRY TALES. I dwelled upon as a child. I don’t know if I should pick up my brushes and starts paint again……..BUT

I have no talent. I try to concentrate think about the subject but all I could paint were angry,wild,red blotches on the pure white virgin canvas……it remind me rat infested full os sewage following drained mind.

GRRRRRRRR….i’m damn sure you think that I’m a MAD or CRAZY dork. YA, CAROLINA if you thought than its OKIES…

Now you suppose to RUN away from me , am I RIGHT???????as you run away last time.

Hmmmmmmm sometimes, I want to fly away from this world to seeks soul solitude where I could paint my MONALISA, who always smile heart wide open. Actually I want to break……………I want to break free……life has become so monotonous affair that it seem I’m a mechanical being PROGRAMMED to performed certain task day after days. The assignments, the fucking up exams, the screwed up JOB>>>>(ofcoures this assuming I have not self programmed myself or else the result would have been more dangerous that any HUMAN can ever emazine??????????<<<<<)

SIGH): I neither expect anything nor remembered but some memorable long lasting goal whom I want to touch before dying. I’m not much ambitious or even whisper my soul. As I went on my JOURNEYING I always follow the “OPEN ROAD” you wonder roads are my companion. The ROADs are seems like me. They are long as you cant emazine and very lonely…..damn lonely. ROAD is far along visible they are my GOD. Roads go on forgotten like stars that shoots and gone while we forget but we are still looking for more long roads to journeying is not……??

You wonder how poor I may be …. I have lonelier than my OWN GOD. As they have gotta many traveler upon but whatever the road bring to me or take me atleast he keep company with his pattering. I love ROAD cos road is always around me who look after me , listen to me , my happy ugly tragedies, bright sense were enabled with him.

I felt you are so FAR away from me that no one gonna ever emazine but CAROLINA whenever I look into yr EYES I felt so strange so magical aromatic sacred feelings. I found you my very OWN. Its so automatic.

You know, you are a MIRACLE to me. It may be sound so FUNNY to you. Pliz don’t laugh over my sound funny feelings. I cross my heart and hope to die.

Hmmmmmmm… you scared of nice people. Now I ask you a RAPID FIRE question. In which side of this EARTH… am I looked that much nice huh….. for yr information>>>>>>I’m the great numb and as you know the dustbin of hate or diesel minded soul, the rascal of a dreamer and I’m the best ready made SCHIZE in the city I live in who always hurt his soul through the smoky skies of this alien city((I’m da guys full of troubles and hurts))))

SO……..Now you completely SCARED of me……Am I RIGHT((((hey pliz don’t run away from me >>>>>look I’m not a cannibal)))))

At last I congrats you and your DAYS, they must be FULL of happy hours, countless SMILES, love, friendship will touch over you. Which make a GOLDEN way to heaven.

SIGH): I beg another apology for torturing yr mind with this ugly scripted letter. Pliz try to decrypt if you found a damn mistakes. Cos who will understand me huh……..????

I trust you always wear am smile upon yr FACE . I drop a BIG to yr FRIEND and “ROHIT” .

boyz dont cry>>>>am i right????

its a lovely day.
the early morning chilling wind disturbing me so nicely and i'm here to witness the greatest display of EMOTION in the whole history of our RACE.tears flow automatically.see da diesel minded soul is crying rite now>>>>>>
GRRRRRRRRRRR went to BARIsTA,just warm uPP my apetite over coffee.hmmmmmmm my eyes stared at CCD tables again,i wish u are here???????

(SIGH):and i'm all alone again>>>>>.more than i have ever been in my life.i,who have lumbed the very depths of loneliness.all my life i have been lonely<<>>i never knew wat it was to have friendship till i met you.i guess why doesnt one just die automatically when left by the erson one like????????????????
BOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss them allll???
hmmmmmm............
some happy hours touch me.
i bought armfulls of FLOWERS for my sister,flung down enough money to cover trice the amount and tore home home again.my cute sister went out on the balcony to hang them out for my GOOD LUCK.so emazing nah...........???

OH, yu are so FAR away from me right now.so FAR away.figurative mountains oceans and continents separate you from me.. but i hope to see u again.
i make this decision because>>>>>>>actually i need yr FRIENDSHI dreadfully>>>>>>>and for no other reason.........>
i'm so sorry to have to say it.but i trust you.

AGAIN its all around absolutely annihilated solitude.YA all around me.there seemed to be nothing but "FLYING TIME and SWEET DEATH">>>>>flying time weeing for those who were death.and a voice seemed to whiser"""what have you done ,oh you,with yr time????and i felt so tiny and helless and infinitely lonely.
one's only friend is GOD and one scacely dares turn to GOD when one has sinned
who worse equied for everyday life than i ?????
only you yrself reaproched me from my unreality.
how can i help it???????
i have never had any truck with wat i consider the sordid side of life. i know nothing.
i live a world of peoled entirely by my own imagination.
I HATE MY WORLD!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.......
wat da hell am writing abt................
sorry.....yas
FORgive my rat-infested SKULL....

pliz<<<<>>>YOU HAVE SUNG ALL SUMMER >>>>>>>WELL DANCE NOW>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

tomorrow is a SUNDAY.i wonder what you will do.as its sunday,someone will get the OFF and will naturally send it with you.

have a ROCKING weekEND.
take care.

IF U TRUST ME,DONT ASK WAT IS MYSELF

today the moody rainfall touch me.YA it damn cold and freezing over here. you dont think that we should be FRIEND..........?????so i ask my hidden skeletons in closet rather than the external outside of myself. i dont know wat were da RULE,TERM or extra USP to get yr friendship. anyway after deep confess to my soul i found,,you are RIGHT i need to be BRAVE over the atmosphere.

but if YOU TRUST ME DONT ASK WHAT IS MYSELF.you'd know,you'd feel,dont you ever FEEL.>>>>>>>>>just FEEL...........DONT FEAR OF ME..

I may be not capable of FRIENDSHIP .....i'm the cheap GOLD digger<<<<>>>>>>

hmmmmm.....FRIENDSHIP has its own cause!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its above cause and reasons,,,SOME peo'ple scheming,calculating like little soul of a shopkeeper who trades but never GIVES.

FRIENDSHIP is a GIFT a gift,a free unconditional gift that transcends and forgives everything.

pliz dont SCARED of friendship<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

GRRRRRR................GRRRRRR
GRRRRRRRR....
GRRRRRRR...i dont have had a colorful and very comfortable experience over friendship but i do RESPECT the values,faith,loyality,tears,smiles,happy moments of friends.

actually (((((((((((((((((I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH THE GREATEST PROBLEM IN HISTORY WHO SUFFER AND DIE,never knowing what KILLED me.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((i'm missing u))))))))))))))))

confess

i am your rock,
but, sometimes i crumble,
I am your sunshine,
but, sometimes it gets cloudy,
like a shadow that leaves,
in your darkest hour,
i am not there,
there's nothing i can do,
to change the past,
and there will be times,
when i won't be around,
i hope you understand,
so leave my hand and learn, to stand,
walk and run,
coz i won't be around forever

confession

hmmmmm.....
thanks.... you wonder>>>>>
you have no idea how happy you made me today. i honestly cannot remember laughing so hard in such a long time. its kinda funny...because nobody's ever made me that happy before. like...happy to the point where i feel like i'm gonna throw up and melt in your arms all at the same time. its an incredible feeling. (sound funny nah!!!)

whenever i go through really bad dreams i just start thinking of all the good things, and all my perfect dreams, and happy stuff, and things that make me happy. it usually helps. and for the past year, you guyz are my safety. i can always think about ppl near me, and be reassured that there are better things in this world, reasons to put up with all the hardships and pain.
so thank you for making my bad dream impossible. i realized that if i ever do go through that, i'd leave this world happy because i met you guyz.you ppl r my perfect dream
i wish you could understand how much you ppl changed my life. you ppl are worth more to me than anything, and the thought of losing you already brings tears to my eyes. remember that one email i sent you a couple month ago. don't forget that. how negative and ugly eyeside i gotta have. i dont care if it's not practical...in my heart and soul, you ppl are the only person who ever cared about me as much as i cared about. There's never going to be anyone who can make me genuinely smile by just looking at me. There's never going to be anybody in this world like you guyz. You guyz're special...the world needs you. i need you.
i need you to look in the mirror and be proud of what you see. because i see somebody trying his hardest to make it in this world, and that's more than a billion other people can say. i see a person who tries even though it seems like the world is turning against him. i see a person who appreciates and understands why people make mistakes. i see a person who helps out in any way he can. i see you...and you're the only person in this world who deserves to be happy.
if only you could see yourself...\nyou know wat sometimes i feel this is just a place where i'll vent from time to time about human relationship, and how i feel sometimes. i thought this would be a good idea so you could have all my thoughts and letters to you in one place. chances are you\'ll already know exactly how i feel, but if you ever need to go back and remember things...just come here. if i ever start getting angry in my thoghts, just know it's for that moment, and i would never hold any resentment towards you. i know i say it too much, but believe it.
if only you could see yourself...
you know wat sometimes i feel this is just a place where i'll vent from time to time about human relationship, and how i feel sometimes. i thought this would be a good idea so you could have all my thoughts and letters to you in one place. chances are you'll already know exactly how i feel, but if you ever need to go back and remember things...just come here. if i ever start getting angry in my thoghts, just know it's for that moment, and i would never hold any resentment towards you. i know i say it too much, but believe it.
keep da spirit up my dear FRIEND.
i m damn sure u gotta drew a rainbow in da dark sky.
sorry for all da ugly thought i will drew over here.

Be patient..and watch.

Be patient..and watch.

I used to walk around like

Nothing could happen to me

Life is a gamble so I

Should live life more carefully

But all I know is that I

Control my own destiny

I used to look at others

Instead of me blaming me

i used to think that maybe I was being too much, that I had too many demands, that I was this and that... But after a while, I realised that I blamed myself too many times for too many things that weren't my fault.

Don't ask yourself why

Just look to the sky

Believe that soon you'll see the other side

I see the other side and I know there's more waiting for me, I feel it and I want to run to it with open arms. But the pain I feel, the kind of pain that you can only imagine holds me back just a little and forces me to take baby steps..

I know

That through all the struggle

There's a bright road At the end of the tunnel

Now you should know

Whatever your dilemma may be

You'll learnLife is worth it

No one has ever hurt me this bad before. No one. And you didn't even have to cheat on me. As much as I realise now that life is worth it and there's so much to live for, it makes me so far beyond sad that I cannot look back and think to myself that yes, it was a good ride, it was great and we had wonderful times and I loved every second of it. Because I only loved it all when I believed it was worth it. When I truly thought you were worth it. I would have never come into this if I had known it would end this way. Never. Because as much as I loved you, it's just not worth all this.
Watch the tables turn

They will turn one day I suppose... And when that day comes, I hope I'm in a place where I just won't feel the need to care.

Whenever you feel troubled

With problems coming your way

Don't ever get discouraged

There's always a better day

And I see it... I really do see that better day.

We all don't know the answers

Believe and trust when I say

That havin' faith is always

The way to make things okayThat's right

Alright

I think I'll just lay down to rest for a while... for a long while.

You've had your ups and downs but

It happened for a reason

Cause after April showers

There will come a change of season

So please don't give up now cuz

The sun's shinin' through the clouds

It's gonna be alright

I know

It will be won't it? I will get out of this and be a much better and much stronger person won't I? There will come a time when I just won't care anymore, whether or not you regret it, whether or not you become a better person, I just won't care... Because I'll be okay..... right?

Watch the tables turn

I'll wait...and I'll watch.

insecurities

while in love i think she's mine but she was loved by many.

MISERY

these intlerable days of solitude and misery...

i can no longer put my despair and unhappiness into words.......My heart broke when i realized there was nothing left to hope for.It is so awful dat my mind is quite glazed and pertified.

i wonder above as though i were in a trance....i wonder quite dispassionnately wat i shall do when i realize quite,quite irrevocably------bcoz i m only begining to realize---that it is finished.

SUNDAY MORNING

it was a lovely day.i wonder wat u will do.You're so far away from me.as its sunday,someone will get the OFF,and will naturally spend it with you.
you prabably wont think abt me today,bcoz you wont have time and you wont be alone.

sometimes you horrify me.

I M ME

I M ME
>>>>Karan Afonso<<

if only you'd believe
dat i am me today
no monster,no painful reminder
just me ---in my own way.

i am not wat u have made me
or wat i was born to be
the blood dat flows these veins
is judt a part of me.

i haven't hurt u,hated u
so why do you always condemn me?
why am i despised?

could you not learn to love me
like u do da rest
i m here and i m forgive u
if you forgive my uglyness

it hurt to see u hate
and sometimes i cry days
but the minutes u show me kindness
i m yrs in many ways

i m lost when u are angry
the harsh words dat u say
they crush and make me awkward
shy to be wat i may

if u would only knows me
see who i m inside
maybe you'd learn to love
the person whos learnt to love

stop looking through me
i m not wat u see
i m not of yr making
i m wat i've made of me

FEW NOTES

FEW NOTES and SUBLTES STRAINS,I AM STILL TUNING AND I FEEL
happy distraction,
tantalizes and tempts,
to hurt immeasurably,
leaves in it's wake,
a broken heart,
a bloodied rose

DELHI n me

ROCK TILL I DIE
*Torquoise cottage
*cafe morrison
*mezz
*hamsdwani open stage theatre
*british council
*habitat centre
JAZZ NITE
*haze
*cafe turtle
*mocha
PARTY TONITE
*Buddha Lounge
*Oddssey da deck
*geoffreys
*ego thai
*ego cafe
*delhi devil
*pegs n pints
*peeble streets
*chinese n thai cafe
*de pauls
COFFEE TABLE
*Barista creme
*CCD
*united coffee
TEA TIME
*Passion my cup of tea
*cha bar
BIRTHDAY CAKE
*angel in my kitchen

DELHI n ME ...muse..

Strange blank stares
maniac glares
averted eyes
unturned noses
paranoic vision
envy star
poisonous polluted smoke
da hazy environtment
blazing heat
boiling temp.
sweaty crowded street
perfumed sweaty smells
beware of dogs community
Yaha pesab karna mana hain board
beauty shop
message cntre
slaughter home
multiseater cycle rikshow
overpriced CNG auto
sweaty time consumming Blueline
over crowded DTC buse
rude ill tempared useless argument
red light
green light
yellow light
useless traffic point
corrupted cops
love n lust
smile n cry
hope n desire
hitchhikers
kidnapers
murderer
run lola ran life
machanical pre programmed mind
search and explore
right click and refrash
ctrl+alt+delete key
holding patience
increasing hollownes
binding space
tall gothic cave
spiral spiky liquid hate
twisty knotted fate
street side flurist
50 paise drinking h2o
compromising romeo juliet
begging hand
traffic book seller
burgaining footpath
open hungry snare
over speeding SUV
burning gasoline
mulnourished children
sigh of a smile
despairing red hopeless eye
bunkers of dead innocent dream
broken promises wid swalen lips
indifference thorght
ego game
misplaced trust
costly loyality
curvy bust n hip
all dat fake orgasms n fashion climax
fashion week
skiny model
streets ramp
white truth
page3 n paris hilton strip
photogenic smile
hugging n pating
explanation
recrimination
distitution
cornation
happy exile
nowhere land
new found island
lost soul
self confess lonely maron
happy ringtone
open confession
cell war
art n craft
canvass of nudity
sex gossip
fake smile
vulture
culture
decent rapist
silent protest
blowing candle
honest truth
blooming life
roofless
waterles
plasterd file
closed epitap
sleeping giant
underdogs
numb stubborn soul
streets dog
holy cow
future teller
palmist
astro guru
match maker
hawan pundit
aromatic stick
junk dealer
religious fraud
wishin well
etc. TO BE CONTINU...

LIFE,FRIENDS and DELHI

sweet day dreams
da whole lots of awkward plans
rainydays wid wrinkled faces
da great jammin seasons wid joints
da vodka,condoms,masturbations,toiletda bed,dinning tables
da shared non-veg text and da porno optical disc
silent prayers on paper
da creed of nameless religion
happy hours,unwanted tears
telling unsucessful love stories after boozing up
da spoken love affairs,da street juliets
winter chilled breez wid ilaichi chai
the pink floyd wid shared ear plug
gay talk,lasbian fantasies
da black grounge death gothic alt,nu punk covers
guitar tabs,chords and broken strings,mush vox
bleedin fingers da addiction to non stop metal numbers,MTV,channelV,VH1 and da midnight FTV shows
da power and courage we owe
ugly debates wid compromises
sweet advices,dirty meg wid shamless nudity
its all stoods guard over us I LOVE U GUYZ....THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE FOR ME WHENEVER I NEEDS YR HELP