love

THE SUN IS NOT AWARE OF SCARS

THE SUN IS NOT AWARE OF SCARS
Life has become strangely
Simplified….
Everyday I love you less and less.
WHY BEING SINGLE ROCKS
Now I am a free man. I can breathe the air lungs full; I clean up all my knotted thoughts that have hurt me so much. In these days, even I forget to feel the essence of being me. The string of wariness that never share my bed again. Being in love always, I thought she is mine but she is loved by many. This is greatest insecurities I have been live along those days. Now I am free like a bird. Fly on and on. The pocketfuls of dreams are with me and its giving meaning in me. I always wanted to be the one who live in himself but she captures me like snake. LOVE- God save me…...i never ever thought that its was so painful, the blaming game people like play with each other. Is was not that I am looking for or forward in my life. I never been so cheated in my life. Thank God now its over and end. However, for your information it was not I that ended it; it was from her side. Good luck for her future, my best wishes are always with her. One thing I sure about that I never forget her in my life but you know and I knew time heal everybody.
It’s a raining tears days. All around rain and me. The tears that always makes me emotional enough to blown away. Be brave boy. It is just a blink of a time. Everything gonna be right after the rain. The bird are chirping, the tree that has to change there leaves. After the fall spring will come.

I am neither scornful nor disdainful.
I am the sea’s treasurer, I hardly hear words of hurt and I restore my place my thinking, my joys; and if I could admit to you the sadness in my absent eyes, neither the reasons nor madness were mine alone. I fell in love again and love started up a wave in my life and filled me with love, love alone without my wishing ill to anyone.
It is not adversity that separates people, it is growing. A flower never dies; it goes on being born. So then, forgive me as I forgive.
One must cherish and wear singleness. If we celebrate singleness, there is not war in this world. Its not end of the war, it is just a beginning. The biggest war one should face is war with oneself.

Ideal partner: who has the innocence of angels, patience of awareness, perception, nobility, discrimination, judgment, penetration, honesty, wisdom and humanitarianism.
Hard fine is not but I wait and wait till doomsdays.
Watta say…….i am sure I will find the most unavailable one and unwanted one who calling me from far so far away.
Spears of yesterday, swords of the past,
I’m guilty, I said to the firefly.
And night enveloped me.
I wanted to say that I too
Suffered.
Its not enough
The one who wounds is wounded till he dies.

That’s history now, it was written in sand,
In the spreading of the shade.

Its not true! Its not true!

MIND OF MAD MAN

MIND OF MAD MAN(I am threatened by ridicule, I am overly conscious of the sincerity in my voice, I like to have sex with people)
It’s a monsoon hugging midnight after Friday the 13th, the rain simply showering through all the days as well as till now. I am sure rain will escort me with my broken dreams but I knew I never quit dreaming whether I will be right or death. Dreaming boost my inner energy to sit down and wear a brand new day everyday. As a born sadist I always convince myself whatever I go or do I will right there to catch all the tears and fighting with brave hearted with the situation come towards me. Sometimes reality bites me and left me wounded. Sometimes I felt lonely in the crowded room. There is time in our life; we all want to be alone for a while. This is a conviction or truth that u cannot hide from thyself. People are amusing all around you, singing, dancing, over crowded with there angry or sweet voices but in the middle u found yourself numb, dumb, and listless then listless again. There is no voices can reach you where you have been at that moment. All those moments you carry with yourself and all those years lost there meaning for a while.
My mind boiling and torched me by questions that I only wonder and lost. Is this what I am for? What I am doing over here…..and then you will feel lonely and lost.
When the answer will strike you, you will soon find your way back home and died peacefully…lol
Sometimes, I fake myself just to adjust with the environment. (Collecting Environmental rewards…lolz) This is the cheapest way to raise some unwanted rewards.

The bruise emotions, unwanted tears and all that pain of suffering gives me great relief, soothing effects and heal me like no one than quickly I stand up and keep walking, breathing, singing like a free bird. Hey look at me I am still alive. Lucky to be alive and young in this alien city. Life- count not by years but the moments you live with fullest.
I was thinking about myself so lately as I realize there is a vivid but visible dull, times I had been living with till date. It is like pendulum that hanging in the vacuum that eagerly wants strike the extreme side of the both end. I am still working hard to get there but I cant get enough . Life is nothing but seen as how you want it to be. Sometimes the wanting is silently killing all dreams and we weep gently. Live in the deep hallucination that only show me negative drip and blowing fuse.
I hate those entire sympathetic hills that all around me. People stared me like an alien animals. Is that fair, People should mind their own business. Why the tried to sneaking or peeking others life without a valid permission. Anyways let them stare at me….me either don’t give a damn thing to them. Live and let live…lol
I want to buy a situation


THE CALLING

Killing is my business. Don’t you scare of me? All these years I keep fighting with myself: I killed me. Honestly I liked to kill myself someday. I want to feel the pain bit by bit damn slowly.
So don’t say YOU SING ALL SUMMER Now dance.
If the memories are not faded with times then half of this humane died with madness. Time is great and genuine healer.
Nobody forgets there First love, first kiss, first bike, etc... Everything’s that first ever experience in lifetime. The times grow with us, we become old, we may be forgetting all of them accept the very first thing i.e. fallen in love for the first time. No matter how we try we never get rid with our first love. It’s like a poisonous fungus that grows day after days and left us somewhere wounded and in deep pain we cry alone.
We must cherish the pain; I should say we all celebrate it with others. Then there will no war at all.
DAMN why don’t I never forget about her…how come I only suffer when all birds are singing and dancing all the ways down. Why I would like to there for her always.

I know I am cheating someone for my first love. I sincerely admitted that to her but it is not working towards her. I wonder why she keep loving me after all that confession.
Did I quit…..

Today again the alcohol touch me stomach and make me sober.


LET THE PEACE OUT

FAKE THYSELF

Whenever I just going mugging, mugging down around-I saw there is so many people trying to fake thyself। (We are infested and infesting others like a worm) We are living in the look at ME world। We all are connected by virtually। We do not even know where we met each other in the virtual U-turns with that fake identity. We often chase our own identity by creating so called cool profiles. The ways we make them cool by modify our own view of life. In search of likeminded soul, we somehow lost our own religion, faith and our self-confidence. We keep that route to impress others for what mean. If we do not trust ourselves first than how could we gain trust to others. No matter how hard we try, we are always there as original self. That is why: at the end day, we looked so tired, weird and cursed ourselves sadly. The basic need is to celebrate moments with company that keeps you alive and worthwhile. We are all humane by birth, compassionate enough to share feelings, love, happiness and of course pains. We feel so light when there is someone waiting to heard out and gave shoulders to lean on. Imagine how light;

No matter how hard you try, you cannot escape or fake yourself coz you are what you are; we all are reflective to each other’s; yr eyes never lied to you; you know and I knew that seen is believing. Sometimes its takes time (sometimes centuries passed and u still wonder whoz that) to see the real you but trust me it was not that hard to find out what inside. (The sooner is better for you)
Believe me you that finding thyself is the hardest part of our life. So many People (poor or lost soul and the terminal fuck ups) died without knowing what killed them; so sad Nah. That is why at least we should try to meet ourselves once. Just try people; its cost you nothing. (It’s like a season offering; buy one get one free)
People always enjoyed and playing monogamous games toward each other’s. We well enjoyed being a part of it that is why we sow so many wars upon us. Game played and enjoyed; so many tower destroyed, evaded but still you, I wondering around.
So take light and embraced what you are coz you are your own GOD. Pat yourself for good thing you have been done and share everything that you have earned.
Life is not that easy to modify or express or write down coz how anybody does or I define it by words. Words are shapeless; ugly figure that playing on papers. How could you and I construct a sentences to describe it. Its makes me so earthbound and weepiness.
Lets not the alien politics of humanization, hate grow over us; we do not let anybody to suffer. Just spread love and smile all over this small but huge beautiful planet. Live as you never live anymore. Every moment is GOD gift to us. Let us makes that moments worth full. Someday we tell our children what we have done to this planet. PEACE OUT.

RUST
The smell of your skin
Stare me like a mad holy cow
Who blew my tiny broken hut?
Passion and sin stung me like a honeybee
The sweet sparkling light of love struggle
Beast embraced with beast
Mixed blood and sweats

Shut down all the doors
Punished all the purest heart
Let them die
Let pain raining like a toxic waste
Burn that green blooming leafs
Let the Garden of Eden glow brighter
Like a august sky
Now
The selfish coward’s game is over
Python of desired is satisfied.
And a child is born.

I open the rusted broken doors
An ill infested darkness covered my soul
I felt infested, seductive and hypnotized
A dry but heavy drop violence erupting like a long dead volcano
The lava violently burst upon my side
Scorpions of darkness stung my soul
Half conscious, skeleton crackling cold terrorize winds
Sharpened the edge of stubborn spirits
And I followed the shadow of omen
He promises me to catch the flying horses of time
As a satiated hungry man
I searched for the apple
And I violet the line of fire

BIRTHDAY MUSE

I am writing to you in bed। It is awful to think that tomorrow I shall be another one year older। I am dreading. It is dreadful to be as old as that. I hate getting old………
I am old, futile, and pointless and letter less. I’ve no letters, cards ----there may be a post letter and I am putting all my faith in that. Nobody has even wished me happy returns of the day. And you needn’t have worried about people giving me a present because, doesn’t nor going to give me a present. You must think I want people to give me present but I honestly don’t. Only I am afraid rather childishly and perhaps sloppily. I like to be wished many returns of the day but shan’t ever again because after today I want my birthday forgotten because I am getting old.

RIPPLE

HERATBREAK-the disease

The close world of love-so rich a world, so awesome it almost fails comprehension and denies description. How can I or anyone make words or construct sentences to describe this?
Words are symbols, codes, shapes on paper. They can not convey the heart break in the heart of things. They can not show what pure unselfish love is; they can only take uncommon qualities and make them earthbound common by their sentimentality and sometimes weepiness…

PATIENT
You’re probably surprise, my patient dear,
That I should speak to calmly about the broken relationship/death and disappearance of the people I loved most. What can you do?
A lot of water has passed under the bridge; time dulls the pain, dries the tears and gives the memory long-awaited oblivion. Time is a great healer. If it hadn’t been so. Half of humanity would go mad.

WIND
Do me a favor wind
Fly across the sea to island of Northeast
Look for my beloved there.
But don’t slam the shutters on her bedroom
Wonder or you’ll awaken her
Make her cool and if there is a tears on her check,
Dry off the salty drop;
And when my beloved wakes up at dawn and begin braiding her silky auburn hair.
Whisper to her;
Don’t lose hope
He is on his way,
The mountain will open before him;
The sea will open before him.
Wait for him.
Do me a favor wind
Fly across the sea to island of Northeast

REVENGE
You make me feel absolutely MURDEROUS towards you- I suppose it has never entered your damned empty head that I’m counting the days till you come back???

You make the mistake of your life if you think that ‘having striven’ I’m giving up the strife- I am not and I am damned if I ever will. I’ll battle as long as I have got breath left in my body-I don’t care if you think it futile.
You wait and see-it may take years, but you wait and see-IF I can’t have you; I will have my REVENGE.

EXPECTATIONS
In this small span of life I got everything from you, except everything that I don’t. Maybe this the final countdown to escape. I must escape from you only. Coz I cant face you and yr land. It’s stared my soul as you stared me like an alien animal. This feeling of been execution and self immolation really gonna strike the hell out of me like a volcanic lava that only devastated. I can’t stand anymore. Times were so emotional enough to makes me cry but crying is not the solution after all everybody played their dirty game with me. Now I’m really so nerve and broken. Every step I take or everywhere I see I saw only big insecurities. Maybe I don’t have the strength or courage to take things correctly. The dorrage of my dreams were misplaced. It may be the brilliant signal to wake up my good sense or did I give up this easily…did I???
DISTANCES
You are closest to heaven while I belong to plain and I daily see pain, sorrows and high expectation with broken promises. They sting and hunt me all the times together with darkness. The sympathetic hills are all around me. I’m tired of being stared naked by the people who always differentiate humane by color and race. I knew, you know that we are compassionate people around this imperfect world of faces that tell you who you are, where u from? But somewhere in the U turn I thought there’s something wrong the way we live? Its kinda seems looking for some place where people live without borders, color and races. It may sound that somewhere I belong to……the place where I can draw my Mona Lisa who is always smiling upon you and me - Smile of belongingness, happy faces all around us.

Death, the one appointment we all must keep, and for which no time is Set.

Death, the one appointment we all must keep, and for which no time is Set.

I have been writing since my preppie days or I shall write till eternity. Will I starts scripting my daily journals through out the days just to see myself written on the wall. Alas I don’t want to be just another brick of the wall or I don’t follow the rat race. But I complain myself as angel complains thee. The walled life of me inside burning and scorch down to ashes. All my responsibilities and tragedies were torturing me; I felt I have had a numb paralyzed soul inside my body. In the end of the day, there’s I am the only one who suffered and infested.
These days, I would like to stoned myself. The pain relief me like no-one else. The soothing effects of pain got me; see me with my own eyes. The feelings of self immolate pains gives me the power to re-invent the inner humane side of me. I found solitude that cured me like no-one.

I wish, if I could programmed myself to do the MY things. This is the freakiest dream I had ever dreamed and dreamed about it all the times. I just want to break free from this so called monotonous world where I can’t find place for solitude. Otherwise the poisonous fungus that grows in front of us before we realize we become his prey. But definitely, wait and watch I will have my romance with life before romance becomes revenge.
Life is damn mechanic and programmed to do certain things only. The limitations are very high and expectation killed the rule of existence. Where an existence seems suffering and dissolves in loneliness. Hope and dreams are dried up like desert water and dead like a homeless hungry streets dogs. The nomadic, antisocial inside me crawl like gasoline infested SUV on the rubber smelling highways of life. The haze that surround me like a deadly fungus and makes me swimming in the gravity less capsule where I don’t even find out up and bottoms. In the deep hurts of foggy environment I often lost my way back home. The ghost of navigator is drunk and out with it self confessed with egoistic head.


Could you love me, for me?
Who makes mistakes?
Could you love me, for me?
Who keeps broken promises?
Could you love me, for me?
Who always led you cry?

Did I quite

दोग्स DAY

Empty spaces, blank and blind night, frequent power cuts, soaring hot temperature, rainy emotions, some distinct but disappeared darling faces, its weird and weary, tired awkward. I wonder what would happen to the next passing hours.

MEMORY OF GETTING FUN

v Putting cards on my bike wheels to make a noise.
v Walking with smashed cans with our shoes.
v Sitting in a tree listening to the leaves rustle.
v Being buried in leaves.
v Swimming under water with open eyes.
v Spending coins at the candy store.
v Watching birds nest.
v Playing hide and seek in the paddy field just before dark.
v Fishing at night on the lake.
v Flying kites.
v Skipping stone on the lakes.
v Opening doors.
v Getting dirty after a bath.
v Jumping ditches.
v Taking to the animals in the farms
v Running through the sprinkler.
v Walking bare foot through leaves in the fall.

FUN >most of which are FREE

Ø Take warm bath.
Ø Write letter.
Ø Go for a walk.
Ø Day dream
Ø Lie in the sun
Ø Watch people at concerts
Ø Walk in the rain
Ø Watch TV in bed.
Ø Think
Ø Draw blue print for dream house
Ø Look at old snapshots
Ø Watch the river.
Ø Work puzzles
Ø Whistle
Ø Clean the junk drawer
Ø Play with dogs and cats
Ø Plan “IF” I had money “TRIP”
Ø Read newspapers from other countries.
Ø Watch the seasons change
Ø Make long distance phone call
Ø Take coffee breaks
Ø Meet new people
Ø Hold small babies
Ø Eat ice cream cones
Ø Laugh
Ø Read comics and cartoons
Ø Send funny postcards to friends
Ø Sleep late
Ø Watch and listen to a storm
Ø Listen to sound of rain on the roof.

WONDER QUETIONS
What is the world?
Who made it?
What caused the seasons?
Do animals talk to each other?
Why doesn’t the ocean freeze?
How can a fly walk on the ceiling without falling off?
Why we lie under the same sun?
When their thunder does it mean that GOD is mad at me?
Why does a cow keep chewing when is not eating?
Why do snake stare at me?
Why grasses are always greener?
Why sky is so blue?
Where rains come from?
Why money can’t buy me love?
Why my stomach need black chocolate?
Do I get wart from toads?
Why does the sun burn my skin?

WE ARE FUCKING FRIENDS TILL SKY IS FALLEN IN ME>>>>>>MY BAND

solitude is wat i want

HEAD OF DA REBEL---inside me

EGO CLASH

mind scan

LATELY…
I have trouble being myself. I seem to be heading no where. I am not good enough. May be this opinion has formed out self-pity but I don’t seem to be as brilliant as the others. I feel I am a LOSER whatever talent I had cultivated during childhood seems to have died. I watch as my paint brushes in vivid colors, seems dull & lifeless. The dust flies as I pick up the canvas & try to view with enthusiasm& vigor reflecting the dreams of a lifetime. It reminds me of a faraway feeling I had while painting it. When my life was destined to have never ending happiness. Just like the fairy-tales. I dwelled upon as a child. I don’t know if I should pick up my brushes & start paint again………but ALAS!
I have no talent. I try to concentrated, think about the subject but all I could paint were angry, wild red blotches on the pure white canvas………..it remind me of the mind of a troubled person. It reflected my mind.

MY ANGEL WHO KILLS

the inside me

I've been thinking about myself alot lately. Very useless and selfish thing to do i know but seriously i've been thinking about myself and trying to find who the fcuk i really am. It's come to the point where i no longer could find an answer to who the fcuk i really am, but i continue to trudge along that same unknown path which hopefully will end with a sign that says,"A big welcome to you who knows you". Sometimes we all really want to be "someone" who people could respect and love and we all try too hard most of the time. I try too hard most of the time and when i do, i feel like i've just had a hundred face lifts , which in other words makes me feel like a fake. I believe the real you is when you take a step back and be pragmatic. Go with life and see where it takes you. People would either love you or hate you, but at the end of the day, at least you're living a life that's true, and that's when you'll be set on the right path on knowing who you really are.

So here I am AGAIN. Pathetic and heartbroken. Ten times MORE heartbroken just coz this relationship had substance. Okay, I'm not that pathetic. It's not like I stay at home and cry all day. I go out, I see my friends, I work out, I studied and passed all my classes last semester even under the DIRE circumstances. It's just that ARGHHH it still hurts. And we never even fought before we broke up. Isn't that crazy? Arghhh... I hate this. I honestly hate the way it feels. Stupid chest pain.


I know what my problem is. I give TOO MUCH. I should hold back a little to save myself from the grief that will eventually come. Still, what's the point of loving if you can't fully love?

follow me

follow me
(happy distraction, tantalizes and tempts, to hurt immeasurably, leaves in it's wake, a broken heart, a bloodied rose )
NAME: ANeX(The guy of all the nonesense dreams,DA DUSTBIN OF HATE,DIESEL MINDED SOUL,RASCAL OF DREAMZ)the ringing applause,the flashing strobes,the flowing paeans,the short memory,the icy scorn,the muted hate,the silent envy,the wasted vanity, the fleeting moments,the precious illusions,the music is mine,nothing else matters NICK NAME: Anex [The Zionian]
HOBBIES: Hacking,writing software,Hardcore FAN of Black gothic Metal World...Playing Guitar.(till Bled).........Writing DREAMS & Painting my fav fast time ..fashion design,animation.doodle,abstract painting.writing freaky dreams,illustrating,photography,fine art,carpenter, visualiser,music.
DEATH : This a beautifull sculpture on humans Life
CRUSH:I saw thee once-- once only -- years ago: I must not say how many -- but not many.
LOVE : Painfull very painfull (I Love da matrix trilogy very much)
My Fav Songs:PINK FLOYD,DIMMU BORGIR....actually i have so many fav song>
"> i ADMIRED HACKERS&VIRUS WRITERS and The Guitar Player OF this world(Kurt cobain-my fav )
Goal in life:
I don't know what my goal in life is, and I try not to think about it much. I just want to be happy doing whatever it is I'm most happy doing. I don't know what that is yet tough. I do want to be financially well off before I'm too old to enjoy it, but what happens after that? I don't have any aspirations of being famous and I don't have any desire to make a big difference in this world. Oh well, I'll figure it out someday.LIVE AND LET DIE
Hobbies and Activities
In my spare time I like to do things on my computer AND watching cartoon network,freaking around BARISTA and CCD at NFC community cantre,New Delhi-INDIA-
I've been around computers for a long time, my first experiences were with Intel 486 DX-2 . I thought that was the coolest thing and I've never stopped using them since (computers) but right now i have had a Intel PIV 2.4GhZ 60GB Hard disk, 512MB RAM,17Cm Samsung Monitor,9X,2K,Linux Operating System. I put them together, take them apart, play games, program, play on the Net, write 'C'& Vb programs, and so much more.

Some Lines about me

Some Lines about me :
*I don’t need you to tell me who I am; I know that very well for myself
*I am Anex born on the 12th of August in Arunachal, India. Friends call me Ryan. Enemies wish I wasn’t born. Those in between don’t know what they are missing
AT this moment am 24 years old, I am 5.7 feet tall and weigh close to 69 kilos. I am working on the weight, some of you are trying with the height as well
*I hate being a indian and I intensely dislike people pulling my leg about it
*My name is short for Kwo – my mom christened me so, coz it seems the whole family had been ‘expecting me’ for a long time
*Currently staying at Delhi,(actually i m from so many places) dad’s working in Forest officer, mom has always been home minister (and chief justice, commander of armed forces etc)
*I am trying my best to go abroad in my lifetimes for my further studies; maybe to US or Europe. God willing, I will get through to a good place
* My mom and sis loved me too much, I hated it
*When I was 6 months old, I almost died under water. (three times) I like to believe that I was saved coz GOD is with me.
*I was delicate as a child and ended up visiting the doctor every other week. I have fractured my hand, leg.
*I walk carelessly and end up kicking toddlers in my building and dogs in the streets
*I get irritated very easily but I never show it
*have been very shy; it’s quite hard for me to keep my trap open.
*even a choice, I would rather not speak at all
*As of today, I am on Bachelor of information technology + HND-HNC (Computing & Multimedia) from excel foundation UK and a time pass job(software writter) thereafter.
*I want to retire at 40 and set up a trust to take care of deprived children. I would still work 6 months a year though
*I can never sit idle, every waking moment is filled with activity
*Ideally I would love to stay by the beach, laze in the sun and stare at the waves in the day, and play the guitar in cafes at night
*I love singing metal songs; no one notices if I pronounce the words wrong but they appreciate me anyway
*I am chock-full of contradictions on the surface but there is always a deeper meaning behind my words; skip a line here and there and you will know me better
*My favorite comic-book hero is calvin&hobes & Denies the menace; coz he didn’t have super powers, had lots of humor and cude.
*My other favorite was Cartoon network; yes, I have always been and still am a big fan of the Big B
*My favourite Hindi song is: Inteha Ho Gayi Intezaar Ki from the movie Sharaabi.
*After the Big B, I adore Salman Khan and sanju BHAI Love him, hate him…the guy looks smart and manages to get the best gals in the business. Did YOU go around with Ash or Katrina Kaif? No? Then shut up!
*I first watched a blue-film (3 in a row) at the age of 11 at a neighbor’s house, almost got caught by mom but my glib tongue saved the night
*I never fell while learning to bicycle, and once I got going, I fell plenty of times
*I am an autodidact, I learn best when I learn myself. Books, videos and friends do help
*I learnt the guitar by myself though sometimes, I feel that a disciplined learning process would have benefited me more
*I believe that everything happens for the best, and there is a purpose behind every happenstance
*Like Dirk Gently, I believe in the fundamental interconnectedness of things; yes, Douglas Adams, Ayn Rand had a profound effect on me
*So did Kahlil Gibran, Antoine De Saint Exupery, Richard Bach,paulo cohelho, Ayn Rand, Sherlock Holmes, Don Quixote and The Count Of Monte Cristo
*I love the Victorian times and the concepts of gentleman, chivalry and such nonsense
*I used to think I am not a flirt, I am not so sure anymore
*I love placing red herrings and irking people deliberately; it’s interesting to watch people’s reactions. I believe that the best time to learn about people is when they are flustered / agitated
*I am an observer of people, if I were in a room and a beautiful woman would walk in; I would rather look at everyone’s reaction than the woman herself (she would be my date anyway *snigger*)
*I am supremely confident; many people rationalize it as being over-confident. My message to them: Fuck Off (am doubt about it)
*I gave up on happiness and sadness, I don’t believe in either of them
*My virtuall relationship with ‘XXX’and virgo sign was one such thing, I never wanted us to break up. And when I got over it, I never wanted to make up
*I am still in love with ‘XXX’ and this is the first and last time I am admitting it
*I hope ‘XXX’ never reads my diary.
*I never regret anything that I have ever done in my life. That includes writing these XX things about myself
*I believe in Pareto’s 80-20 principle a lot; 80% of the effects are due to 20% of the causes
*I am a born miser and I try to save money on anything and everything possible, I starve myself and rely totally on BEST and local trains to save money
*If I don’t like you, I will tell you that on the face. And to a dozen people behind your back
*I am telepathic and could read minds at will once upon a time; I stopped doing it to respect privacy of people
*I used to read hands; I have a very long lifeline myself. I will never read anyone's hand ever again. It's not right to look into the future
*I have extremely high-standards for myself. Most victories that are celebrated by colleagues and friends leave me hollow. Little things which don’t seemingly matter to others however give me immense pleasure
It’s very easy to gain my staunch friendship, it’s extremely hard to earn my respect
*It is easy to believe that you know me when you don’t know me at all
*I believe in ‘forgive and forget’; sometimes I fail in both
*I have been vindictive in the past; revenge is like wine - tastes sweeter with age…!
*I can never love someone or something without being passionate or possessive about her / it
*Some of the best conversations I have had till date have been in total silence. Some with God, some with myself and some with like minded friends
*The sweetest voice I have heard till date is of my sis calling me ‘KAI’
*I believe I am invincible
*I am listening to ‘Neele Neele Ambar Par’ right now, it’s my second-most favorite Hindi song
*I stopped crying last year, the very thought of crying fills me with revulsion. I still get the ‘frozen tears’ feeling sometimes and it leaves me with a huge ache in my heart
*I am extremely superstitious and diligently wear my lockets on my exams
*Being in a relationship killed my musicianship and my creativity, robbing me of my sense of identity. Self esteem and self-worth languished in the gutter as well. Everything is back now, with a ban
*I have broken 2 hearts till date and I am not counting the number of times I have sorely disappointed my parents
*The most orderly thing about my life is my PC. I love maintaining it, keeping the system up-to-date and storing the right files in the right folders
*I hate being spoken to or disturbed when I am playing the guitar. People who do so, fail test no.1
*I hate people going off-key when they are singing, the only thing that stops me from wringing their necks is the death sentence
*Once I played the guitar for 7 hours at a stretch when I was alone at home; I stopped only when my fingers bled. U know Guitar is my life.
*I believe that pain is the best stimulus to write a really touching song and the more I listen to music, the more I am convinced that I am right
I believe in seeking the truth always, and I would rather that I be told the bitter truth than a white lie. Ignorance is not bliss
*I often take credit for stuff I haven’t done – okay, so I am human!
*I hate it when people don’t give me credit for my work
*I see life as an unending quest for knowledge; I believe that anything and everything that I have seen, heard or learnt can be used in some situation or the other, sometime in life. I have been proved right on more than one occasion
*I believe in destiny a lot and I believe in free-will as well. Free-will, in my opinion, exists within the realms of destiny. What you do is free-will. What happens is destiny. Sometimes the twain meet, sometimes they don’t
*I love attention; I don’t know what I would do if everyone were to just neglect me and look through me
*If I die before my time, I hope it happens while falling from the top of a cliff into the sea
I LOVE 'xxx' AND 'xxx' HATE ME>>BUT I HATE ABOUT IT >>>listless and lost, dreamless and down, floundering in shadows, i whisper wishes, to the sky
i am your rock, but, sometimes i crumble, I am your sunshine, but, sometimes it gets cloudy, like a shadow that leaves, in your darkest hour, i am not there, there's nothing i can do, to change the past, and there will be times, when i won't be around, i hope you understand, so leave my hand and learn, to stand, walk and run, coz i won't be around forever

some pple are unreasonable, some pple are bullies, some pple take us for granted, some pple take advantange of us, some pple are ridiculous, some pple are hypocrites, some pple are plain stupid, some pple only think they aint stupid, some pple are lazy, some pple are like blocks of wood, some pple are unmotivated, some pple are damn blur, some pple dont think before they act, some pple are really rude, some pple have no principles, some pple have no shame, some pple have no support and well.. I could go on... but naah.. for now haha!
if u ask me what I do.. I am in the bizness of managing egos.. big ones.. huge ones :)

Happy Happy New Year

heyall!

I'd like to wish all my dear friends a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Happy New Year! Have a fun and fulfilling 2007!!

Sometimes in life

Sometimes in life, u find a special frnd; Someone who changes ur life, By being a part of it. Someone who makes u laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes u believe, That there really is, Good in the world. Someone who convinces u, That there is an unlocked door, Just waiting for u to open it. This is forever friendship.... When you're down, And the world seems dark and empty, Your forever friend lifts u up in spirit, And makes that dark n empty world, Suddenly bright n beautiful. Your forever friend gets u through, The hard times, The sad times, The confused times. If u turn and walk away, Your forever friend follows. If u lose you way, Your forever friend guides you and cheers u on. Your forever friend holds ur hand, And tells u that, Everything is going 2 be okay. And if u find such a friend, You feel happy n complete, Because you need not worry. You have a forever friend 4 life N forever has no end

YOUR NAME

YOUR NAME
*****************************
*******winter,BARISTA CAFE...CP...new delhi.....india.....asia*******

I wrote yr name
with raindrops in my window glass
spring wind took it away

i wrote yr name
on the sand of siang river
river water came out and took it away

i wrote your name
on rock with my wet finger
sun heat took it away

i wrote yr name
with fallen leaves of tree
winter wind took it away

i wrote yr name
within my heart but
someone came and took it away
***************************************

life is a game....

you watch a movie, YOu knoe it is not real, yet u cry, u laugh, you jump and shout. when the projector stops, all you have is a blank screen.

so is yr life. it is real when u experience it, it is very real when u get hurt. when u bleed and u r in pain. it is very real when eat yr favourite sweet and u enjoy the taste..............life is all abt how u play the game......

Pleasant Bullet
>>Poison the Well <<

I've woken up everyday with my eyebrows pointing at my mouth.

Making all who care for me go through all my worst times with me.

And I give them no choice...all my worst times with me.

I need to be unhappy to smile, but I haven't quite got the hang of it

yet.

I need to figure out why this room has blinds that never open.

It's so hard to be these days.

I wasted all my time trying to rememberthe word content was.

There isn't much to open eyes for.

I want to be excited just haven't been educated yet.

Wonder how long it will take before they leave me behind.

Questions in and questions out, they always ask me.

It's so hard to be these days.

I wasted all my time trying to rememberthe word content was.

I just want to be happy.

Plastic Man

Plastic Man
>seether<

I am a plastic man, Wish i can be the one you could be proud of.
Im losin heart again, wish i could show you what you think i'm made of.
Someday i know i'll find my place, someday i know this pain will fade.

I am a perfect sale, just wrap me up with ur a bow and flowers.
I will neglect to tell, i'll sell your story that we love each other.
Someday i know i'll find my place, someday i know this pain will fade.
Someday i know i'll find my place, someday i know i'll sing my last
rephrase.

Why don't let me be, and i'll pretend i'm well.
Cuz ur blind to see, and i'm too tired to tell.
And in ur apathy, u head begins to swell.
Another tradegy, but ur too cold to feel.

Someday i know i'll find my place, someday i know this pain will fade.
Someday i know i'll find my place, someday i'll sing my last
rephrase...

DROPS OF NECTAR

A small impoverished BOY was standing bare feet on the New YORK City streets, looking wistfully at the window of a shoe store. A well dressed woman saw him and walked him and ask him"why are you looking so solemnly at this window?" the smalll boy looked ap at her and replied. "i am asking GOD to give me a pair of shoes". The woman took the boys hand and led him into the shoe store. where she immediately asked the clerk for a bucket of warm water and a pairs of socks. then placing the boys dirty feet into the water, she tenderly washed them and then put a pair of warm socks on him. then she told the clarck to bring shoes for the boy. as they left the store with the boys small feet now snugly in a pair of new shoes, he clenched the womans hand and looked up into her eyes,"ARE YOU GODS WIFE.?he asked.

HUMAN relationship muse.......

PEOPLE talk when u matter to them. when u r at the top, theres always ENVY and there are WEIRD stories circulating around. Its sickenin. Its only a certain section who is talkin. they are the dissatisfied and frustrated lot and they cant see others doing well. If tomorrow they r in my shoes. they'd still be complaining.

and i know that not everyone will be happy for me . but at the end of the day what matters is HAPPINESS. If u r WRONG somewhere yr CONFIDENCE level is shaken and u r COUGHT.

Music and womEn

There are only two completely divine things in this world: MUSIC and WOMEN!.....i assure you that there is nothing on EARTH more beautiful than a beautiful women. personally its fills me with such awe and reverence that shakes so much. i can not attempt to draw. i feel it would be a sacrilege. i used to feel i must faint. my head used to swim and i could scarsely walk....I WOULD GO A HUNDRED MILES TO SEE ONE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN OR MUSIC.

zephyretta

http://www.lintukoto.net/viihde/mielenosoitus/kuva.php?teksti=WE%20LOVE%20YOU%20ZEPHYR

You might be best friends one year,

You might be best friends one year,

pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next year,

So, I just wanted to say,

even if I never talk to you again in my life,

you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,

I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.

Send this to all your friends

no matter how often you talk

or how close you are

and send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,

and tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everone needs a friend,

someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all

just remember this text

and take comfort in knowing

LIFE IS A STATE OF MIND

_____(¯`·._.·LIFE IS A STATE OF MIND·._.·´¯)____


AcCoRdInG to tHe BiBLE , HeAvEn iS CoMpLeTeLy PeRfEcT aNd HeLL is CoMpLeTeLy EvIL. In HeAvEn , In OrDeR To kEEp EvErYtHiNg CoMpLeTeLy PeRfEcT , EvErYoNe In It wOuLd HaVe to foLLoW a LoNg , SpEcIfIc sEt oF rULEs FoR It to bE PeRfEcT. HeAvEn is PrIsOn. In HeLL , EvErYoNe is AlReAdY EvIL ThErE , So no RuLeS nEEd to Be SeT to MaKe It CoMpLeTeLy EvIl.

H E L L
I S
F R E E D O M

W E L C O M E
T O M Y
H E L L

Do NoT FeAr YoUr EnEmIes. The wOrSt tHeY CaN dO iS kiLL YoU. Do NoT FeAr FrIeNdS. At WoRsT, ThEy MaY BeTrAy YoU. FeAr ThOsE wHo do NoT CaRe; ThEy NeItHeR kiLL nOr BeTrAy, bUt BeTrAyAL aNd MuRdEr ExIsTs BeCaUsE oF ThEir siLeNt CoNsEnT.

EdUcAtIoN is ThE ProCeSs of DrIvIng a sEt of pRejUdiCes dOwN YoUr tHrOaT.

YoU'Re oBLIgEd tO PrEtEnD aNd ReSpEcT PeOpLe aNd iNsTiTuiTioNs yOu tHinK AbSuRb. YoU LiVe AttaChEd In a CoWaRdLy FaShIoN to MoRaL aNd SoCiAL CoNvEnTiOnS YoU DeSpIsE, CoNdeMn and kNoW LAcK All FoUnDaTiOn. It Is ThAt PeRmAnEnT CoNtRaDiCtIoN BeTwEEn YoUr IdEas AnD DeSiReS AnD All ThE DeAd FoRmAlItIes and VaIn PrEtEnSeS Of YoUr CiViLiZaTioN tHat MaKe YoU SaD, TrOuBLEd and UnBaLaNcEd.
In THaT InToLerabLe confLIcT you Lose aLL joy of LIfe and aLL feLLIng of pErSoNaLITy, BeCuAse aT eVeRy MoMenT They SuPreSS and resTaIn and ChEck The free pLay of yOuR powers. ThaT's The poIsoned and morTaL wOuNd of The cIvILIzed worLd

ThE aIm Of ThOsE WhO TrY To CoNtRoL ThOuGhT Is AlWaYs ThE SaMe. ThEy FiNd OnE SiNgLe ExPlAnAtIoN oF ThE WoRlD, oNe SyStEm of ThougHt aNd AcTiOn tHaT WiLL (they believe) CoVeR EvErYtHiNg; aNd tHeN tHeY TrY To ImPoSe ThAt on aLL ThInKiNg PeOpLe.

If GOD doesn't like the Way I live, Let him tell me, N O T Y O U

ThE MiNd iS iT'S oWn pLaCe, aNd oF ItSeLf cAn MakE a HeAvEn oF HeLL, aNd a heLL of hEaVeN.

____(¯`·._.·LIFE IS A STATE OF MIND·._.·´¯)___

MY POEMS

*********************************************
Song of a prostitute
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>
On my darlings lap
I never took nap
Never had any sleepless night after his reminiscence
Empty sky above
My siblings love
Never created havoc in my heart like stars in the far, far distance

My eyes well up
I too have heart
And dream of a family wedding gown
Prince charming in my eyes
Candle light dinner in dreamy light
And the sunlight kills all the stars

Admiring eyes
A red rose on valentines
My heart too would cherish for centuries
Sigh reverberates
Around the walls
I am chased in my sleeps too by lusty eyes

In my garden
Roses don’t bloom
Empty glance I look at the road
Somebody would see my plastic face
And I would go to sleep
Over my dreams, hopes, pains
To recharge for the next day.
*************************************

*********************************************
LOVE NEEDS LOVE
*********************************************

Its is love nothing less, nothing more
He wrote divine comedy
He died after sacrificing his life
All for love

Try holding on yr heart
Heart is so light
Who could hold it before?
Script of love, moonlight sky
Flashing like lightning, glowing heart
She would come stressing her tress
Her bonny figure would warp me up like a snake
With love from horizon to horizon
Oblivion could not sink it
What is time?
Havoc in the ocean
Day by day die
Harsh rock would witness
How red is my blood

If tomorrow comes
The sun will rise to the music of the ballad
Synchronizing with every heart beat
All animals would gaze at the sun
And tomorrow comes
Even if I die today

Darling, after my death, give me a rose
When in deep distress
I would come to soothe you
Since we both knew
Love needs love
*********************************

*********************************************
HEART LONGINGS
*********************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<15th>>>>>>>
In the night I look at the moon
I love you like no other can love, moon
No, I never long possess you
I love the way I long for the horizon

The sleeping beauty beside me, I know
Is the mother of my child
In resonant with my heartbeat I know
Heart takes deep sigh without you
Because, you are the moon in my sky

Sunset of the dreamy night
Who know whose tears falls with rainfall
By the sound of rain, my sleep is broken
Looking at the blue sky, I feel my heart raining
Cats and dogs

Brighter than gold, mirage in my eyes
Yr face in my dreams
In the thirst of yr glance
Remembering you, I find
The sun was very red
When it set yesterday

Oil deceased, flame burnt out
Strong time washed the footprint ashore
And my heart still longs
Like a baby for the moon in the sky
May be you appear in my arms
****************************************
*********************************************
PIT OF LOVE
*********************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<13th>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lightning in the sky

Black as soot, my heart
Who will light up--- let the lightning
Ignite the fire

Dark as night my heart
I would rain surely
Let the rain wash my dreams
In the sand of time who need footprint
Let the rain extinguish the fire

Ashes remain, my heart
After the bonfire
Promises, trust all lost in smoke
Ruins of momento stands a silent witness
A deserted opera

Tears well up, my heart
She wore a white frock like an angel
Soft like moonlight, she caressed to sooth
I was ill
Gone are the days of shinning stars
Reminiscence ashes and shakes
Empty heart, sense of vacuam, still like grave
Skeletons of dreams haze vision, her smile in the wall
Still I write in red my love

Petals of flowers
And lovely dreams
May decay
Flowers fragrance
And sweet arrogance
May be lost the way
Yet it was flower
I made mistake never
Time would always say.
*************************************************

*********************************************
NOTHING LIKE LOVE
*********************************************<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>
The sky of the night glows like gold
Daisies afar bloom in yr garden
Smiles down pour
Colorful dreams on the wall
When you fall in love

Humming birds chirp far, far away
Echo in yr heart, smell the air
Yr beloved one’s fragrance
A flock of war horses running across the field
Trails behind thousand of petals of roses
Nightingale sings across the horizon
When you fall in love

I could not buy with all the blue diamonds
Even for a day, for a moment
Her smile, her loving gaze
Sticking to the assault carbine, I saw in horror
She opened up her breast
Not for a kiss but for a bullet
The writing on the wall loud and clear
There is nothing like love

Street dogs too live like a king
Damn the life that can not win a smile
Damn the life that can not love
After the war I retreat
For love or what else
****************************************************

*********************************************
WHEN THE RED ROSE IS eloquent
********************************************
>>>>>>>>>>>>>NEW DELHI, pebble streets<<<<<<<<<
The rose, a red rose
Lively like life, lovelier than love
She speak like a violin
Rainbow spreads in the sky like starry starry carpet
When she took the rose, my heart

These sculpture wake up from dreams
She smiles
Many days passed
I still see the full moon, dreamy, dreamy dreams
When she smiled in her eyes, my love

Darling, you make me stare at the rose
I smell the love in the silence
Winds come to a stop, the way she walks eloquent like silence
The rose says
If tomorrow comes then I love you
Like the dark night and the snake

Oh girl, you make me cry
You make me surly die
Had not there been roses scattered still on the alter
My heart, my soul
The red rose speaks; the color of pain is blue.
*************************************************

*********************************************
PAIN IN THE AIR
*********************************************
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>BARISTA, GKII, NEW DELHI<<<<<<<
On yr wedding night

I was loitering in the shore
Collecting barnacles
Under the vast blue sky
Lightning of rays and sitting in front of alter of marriage
You forgot, you were my known girl

On yr wedding night

Yr garden bloomed
Blessing of thousand people
Suppressed the sigh, I sent back yr ring
Like shivering life of a caged bird
Yr eyes in the memory pin
Like unshaved beard in the heart

On yr wedding night

Reddish eastern sky
Would kiss yr soft face through window
A new day would dawn
Shall wait for reddish in the west in my life
Who knows where the road meets the end

On yr wedding night

I too got wed
And I still look at the horizon
Still ask the statue in eternal melancholy

Will you smile at me?
***********************************

*********************************************
EPITAPH OF LOVE
*********************************************
>>>>>>>>>>>>>summer 2005, New Delhi>>>>>>>
Memory of a moment with you
Immortal in my heart
Soothes my bleeding heart in place
Where I inhale the moment with you
With every breath till morning

Like lava it boils
Like a man possessed I remember you
Hazy vision ahead, still I live
May be for a oasis in desert
And fade as yellow leaves in winter

Walking up in midnight
Stars hide behind clouds
A little ray of hope across the clouds
Down pour of tears might clear the sky
Otherwise years passed since I saw the sun.

A moment with you has killed
Thousand years so far
Getting buried like fossil
Epitaph of love would be lost though
Some day we would sing attuned
Song of life
**********************************

*********************************************
MELLOWED DREAM
*********************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
He painted me red
And I stood like statue for him naked on the chilled night
Cloudy tress over my breast with pointed nipples
And he hanged me on the wall

Thousand spectators admiring eyes
Eyelashes over my naked thighs feather like softness
Thrilling to the basic instinct, those starved mankind
Distorting the sensuality of a virgin

Whole the night, under the romantic lights
I dance to the tone of their lust
Under the dais, my man is buried with our children
And my dreams blink with drops of tears

Trespassing my tummy, food get digested
Biology kills appetite
With the sun in the west
A day in the time killed
The guiding star witnesses alone in peace

Skeletons in the grave
Accuse none for the rain after the storm
And the cracking of bones when walking
Across the dream land
Treading faces of love and despair
And I burn to a bin
*********************************************

*********************************************
RAYS OF LOVE
*********************************************
>>>>>>>>>>>>>CCD, NFC New Delhi<<<<<<<<<<<
Like a river, love flows over terrain of heart
Water falls
Still lakes it kisses
It glows like street lights
In the dark scary night
And tear apart fear like an old mansion of centuries

Like breaking of a lock
Never is the same breaking a heart full of love
Ashes……
You reincarnate after the crash
Horizontally, where sun is the only direction

In the midnight, in the moonlight
We shall look for each other under the shadow of clouds
From horizon to horizon
Just for a passion for living, lust for love
Where we wake up each day with smile of love

In our sky
Stars do smile like a shinning star
In shame in day they hide
And love
Appear as full moon night
With all the stars
When love pours down over our heart, soul
And the rivers flowing for centuries

After the earth quake
I wake up trembling with the earth
Dreams are torn like the fall of sky crapper
My girl, shall I see you again
Shall I fall asleep again to see
Rainbow
And rays of love

#for the loving memory of miss colleen whom I met in a night of Delhi, India. She told me she would call me and I gave her my mobile number.
Still she has not called me yet she does not have a number…..#
*******************************************************************************************

*********************************************
OF LOVE, PAIN, LONELINESS
*********************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>
If the pain got suppressed
When intended
Was it pain?
If the love faded
When yr love betrayed
It never was love

Don’t tell me you call it solitude
When yr loneliness crowds in gossips
You still live in crowd

She told me and I believed her
Why to sip after all, if no boozing
Sometimes I wonder
If false just to oppose the truth?

And I know once I quitted
And started again
I never quitted, did I

Ground is not hurt
When you fall on it
So many stars in the sky

I cry alone
Where have all the stars gone
From my sky
*************************************





*********************************************
VIBGYOR
*********************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
Girl if I cry
Will the rainbow in the sky
Remain for a day long?
If I cry
Will the paper tiger waken up and roar?

Sometimes rainbow are in tears
Pains flow likes lake
Nobody knows
How deep the lake is?


After the stormy night
How green in the valley
Is it also a lining?
Dying everyday

I keep in order my empty bottles
Who knows?
Tears may fill them
You too know like the sun
Tears to produce rainbow

Cloths were stained
The path covered in grass
For a lone time I did not hit foot
Many years gone not seen a rainbow
Still night I wake up and wonder
Where have all the tears gone?

Lets hold tears
And make a rainbow
For you, for me, for all
VIBGYOR
They are the color

*********************************************
*********************************************
THE PROSTITUTE*******************************************
<<<<<<<<<<<<<
She did not write the script of love
Nor she felt the orgasm
She just sprouted his semen in her belly
Dark thunderous nights signature of torture
Over her body
And a bastard was born

Sweet language of a mother
She never heard but the sound of cracking the old bed
And sound of two beast playing barbarous
Game in the nude and also sigh..
And the fury under tears of appetite
For centuries without eruptions

Like lava, bodily need bail up
The pain of neglect, hatred and the spit
The hypocrite society they pour on her
Mankind inside the thick condom buried deep inside her
In deep pain she cries out
All dead, the sacrosanct brother gone
Up in the smoke
The savage appetite and animal instinct prevails
Over a pieces of bread and helpless body
Ruinous, shattered bruised dignity of the half of the sky
They sold the cherry in the market
In the alter of civilization scarifies the virgin
The sun witness in silence
The assuage their appetite assuaging the appetite
And the account is closed
**********************************************